5am...27 jan 2012...unique...

"Almost Here"

(feat. Delta Goodrem)

Did I hear you right

'Cause I thought you said

Let's think it over

You have been my life

And I never planned

Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light

Where a love once shined so bright

Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world

If I had a chance

Oh won't you let me 

Treat me like a child

Throw your arms around me

Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered how it hurts

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered now it hurts 

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here

(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)

And when I hold you, you're almost here

(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)

(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears

'Cause I know I'm almost here)

Only almost here

i cant sleep......i keep on repeating this song for almost 2 hours now...no reason for that actually...but it reminds me of someone...someone that i cant even reach...so, i back to writing...as it will ease me...

im sorry, coz im different...i like/love things that are unique...unique when compare within my family...that someone is unique...the uniqueness makes me likes him...

and...makes me wanna find someone with the same uniqueness as him...he's almost here, but still, i cant reach him...

i will never wish that he's mine someday....never...my only wish is to see him again...

just, to see him again...

i know i will meet him again...i have faith in that...and will always have...

he's a friend...and he's dear to me...

the vampire diaries: the awakening...

im not sure when actually...either raya 2011 or raya 2010...but im kinda sure that it was raya 2010...coz last year's raya i wasnt that active 'jalan2'....

as i typed this, i was thinking for a few minutes...and this time, i am pretty confident that it was raya 2010....

and yes, it was 2010 (based on a few memories)...that i bought my Vampire Diaries books (set of four)....

and, up until now, 22nd January 2012, i havent read those books...i repeat, i havent read those books after 1.5 years ago...

since im on holiday now, i cleaned up my room...i found things that i forgot i owned...i found shirts/dresses/leggings with tags still intact (for sure, i never wore them)....i found unopened letters....i found shoes still in their box...i found books i never read....i even found books still covered with plastic....i found my curler (i thought i lost it)....and i found many other things...and i was like "ooooohhhh, wooow...lamanya aku cari benda ni..."...well, i have to admit that i love to buy things, quite a hoarder, and easy to forget??? hhhhmmmm maybe...

so back to vampire diaries...

since im on holiday, i have plenty of time to read...yes, i want to read it...i will read it...and i wont stop...but i will pause sometimes...

september 4

dear diary,

something awful is going to happen today.

i dont know why i wrote that. its crazy. theres no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but...

but here i am at 5.30 in the morning, awake and scared. i keep telling myself its just that im all messed up from the time difference between France and here. but that doesnt explain why i feel so scared. so lost.

the day before yesterday, while aunt judith and margaret and i were driving back from the airport, i had such a strange feelings. when we turned onto our street i suddenly thought, "Mom and Dad are waiting for us at home. i bet they'll be on the front porch or in the living room looking out the window. they must have missed me so much."

i know. that sounds totally crazy.

but even when i saw the house and the empty front porch i still felt that way. i ran up the steps and i tried the door and knocked with the knocker. and when aunt judith unlocked the door i burst inside and just stood in the hallway listening, expecting to hear mom coming down the stairs or dad calling from the den.

just then aunt judith let a suitcase crash down on the floor behind me and sighed a huge sigh and said "we're home." and margaret laughed. and the most horrible feeling i've ever felt in my life came over me. i've never felt so utterly and completely lost.

home. im home. why does that sound like a lie?

i was born here in Fell's Church. ive always lived in this house, always. this is my same old bedroom, with the scorch mark on the floorboards where caroline and i tried to sneak cigarettes in 5th grade and nearly choked ourselves. i can look out the window and see the big quince tree matt and the guys climbed up to crash my birthday slumber party two years ago. this is my bed, my chair, my dresser.

but right now everything looks strange to me, as if i dont belong here.its me thats out of place. and the worst thing is that i feel there's somewhere i do belong, but i just cant find it.

i was too tired yesterday to go to orientation, meredith picked up my schedule for me, but i didnt feel like talking to her on the phone. aunt judith told everyone who called that i had jet lag and was sleeping, but she watched me at dinner with a funny look on her face.

ive got to see the crowd today, though. we're supposed to meet in the parking lot before school. is that why im scared? am i frightened of them?

Elena Gilbert stopped writing.........................................

ok...i want to cont my reading...ciao...

the purpose of my life...

life, is not always rainbows and butterflies...
rainbow pun bkn hr2 ada kn...and butterfly pun bkn hr2 kta nmpk...

i sometimes wondered whats the purpose of life...

a) to stay alive? --- yeah probably...but why some people consume cigarette or drug and we secondary smokers have to inhale the smoke?

b) to get a better life? --- can u help me define better life? is it the same with dead-free or cancer-free?

but for me, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

i hereby admit that, i, tiffany anthony, shutting off my 'thankful' DNA all the time...

i did say thank you to those who help me...

but i didnt say thank you to myself in every changes i made...unfortunately, there is none...

thats why, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

be thankful to God cause i still breath today...

be thankful to parents cause im here today...

be thankful to my teacher/lecturer cause i learnt a lot from them...

if only i realized this long time ago, i would never mad to my parents...i would never escaped any classes..and i would never sleep on God's day (sunday) when i supposed to be in the church...

well, thats my fault...since i live in a worldly area, thus, i focused on worldly stuff...

so from now on, im taking a bachelor degree on thankful...and to be graduated soon....

exam.....................the end.........

exam da hbis...

should i say more??

yeah....

its freedom...

and now im officially on holiday for about 7 weeks...and yeah, i did make some plans...risky plans...and yet i will pursue it (no matter what...heheh)....

all i can think is - EUROPE.....

why europe??? hhhmmmm i dont know...hehe just wait and see....

ye....exam....di awl thun...

exam di awal tahun...damn...aku x suka la...aku masih dalam mood cuti2 new year...huhu...

hakikatnya, aku kena la jua terima...if U aku yang punya sure aku rombak ikut suka hati aku...

study week?? 23 dec 2011 - 2 jan 2012...tym ni la kebaboom sana kebaboom sini...party sana party sini...

aku??

sure la aku di Chamber of Secret aku...dalam bilik...study...lagu kena full blast coz tidak mahu terganggu suara2 luar yang memanggil "afen, main wayang da...." @ "afen, turun la ko....." @ "afen, tia payah la ko study lagi tu ko turun dlu ba teman kami d bawah..."......

hp?? silent mode...24/7...tia mau kena ganggu konon...ceh hipokrit kan...padahal, asal berlampu ja pi tengok ni...hahaha...ish tidak la aku macam tu...aku tapuk ba bawah bantal...hahaha lol...

25dec n 1jan aku cuti study...x mau study langsung...coz aku mau enjoy the day...actually 24dec and 31dec pun aku cuti half day....

then, exam week pun sampai...macam mana bencinya aku dengan exam week ni, dia datang la jua ba...kemarin (5jan) 1st paper aku....hr ni pla, 2nd paper...esok nada...thank god...tapi sambung lagi next week..rabu, khamis and jumaat...ye ye...after jumat aku freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom....

banyak student akan cakap "alamak matilah, aku belum study lagi.....".....jan la kamu percaya ni...dorang la orang2 yang paling lama study tu.....so mengaku ja ba if study kn...hehehe...

apa2 pun, aku ni singgah sekejap ja...coz cinema tu da memanggil aku...afen...afen....afen...macam taik ni...

bye, geng...

My New Year's Resolution(s)....hahaha azam la mengkali kan...:)

here goes the truth - No Resolution is better than have 1.....

i dont know how many of u will agree with this LOL statement...but me, i am 200% agree with it...

why??????

mai i crite k...

i admit, i had my own new year's resolutions...i wrote it down...and i even pasted it on my bedroom wall...12 months later, i realized that i totally forgot all about it...when i read it back, damn i cant stop laughing...hahaha...back in 2009, one of my new year's resolution was to buy three piggy banks and fill it with coins within a year...i did bought three transparent piggy banks (purple red and pink)...and now 2012, after 3 beautiful years passed by, i looked back to my new year's resolutions wall, and looked at my three piggy banks...one and a half full...omg....1.5 within 3 years afen?? i must be joking right?? damn, i dont know what happened to me...i lost my new year's spirit...sigh...

i wish i can tell you my collections of new year's resolutions...in which mostly unfulfilled...hahhaha...but im pretty damn shy...lol...

but i came up with a conclusion...

we usually made new year's resolutions about things that we like to do/own but ended up doing nothing...for example, the piggy banks...after 3 years, i still didnt fulfilled my 2009 resolution...(what a shame)...so why dont we/i made a crazy insane 2012 resolutions, right??

your simple mimple resolutions cant be fulfilled by you or us because it was tooooo damn easy to achieve while we are toooooo damn lazy to make it true...so why not we or i try the crazy insane resolution plan??

try ja la kan, saya buat tp jd @ x, i dont care, coz sy tau its crazy insane resolution...just for fun then hehe...tp if jd la kn i will be the luckiest girl in the world...hahhahaha...

my crazy insane 2012 resolutions are:

1) sing Christina Perry - A Thousand Years to a guy i love...
"i have died everyday waiting for you, darling dont be afraid i have loved you, for a thousand years, i love you for a thousand more....and all along i believe i would find you, time has brought your heart to me, i have loved you for a thousand years, i love you for a thousand more..."
(percentage of impossibility = 99.9%)

2) around the world in 199 days...
hahah percentage of impossibility = 20000000000000%

3) getting serious with a guy...
hhhhhmmmm percentage of impossibility = 90%

4) go to swi
percentage of impossibility = 100%...i could find a time for it...

5) hehehe i know this one is not crazy...but i want to buy another 3 piggy banks and fill it with coins within this year...so, overall i have 4.5 piggy banks to feed...percentage of impossibility = 150% since 1.5 = 3 years, then 4.5 = 9 years...damn...totally impossible...

so, whatever the resolutions are whether its crazy or simple, make it work (dedicated to me...)...even if its take a thousand years to achieve...haha...

2009 if skrg 2012 knfm da penuh wall tu...

yeah....its a new year...huh?? siram air?

when the clock strikes 12am every 1st Jan, everybody will shout "Happy New Year"... but not my family...

well, we have this unique tradition since ages ago...that is - MAIN AIR....well, it is for kids only...the adults?? for parents - waiting for their kids...while me?? apa lagi tukang siram loooo.....hehe

if anak buah da basah, aku yang jadi tukang siram ni memang sure la basah jua...tapi sikit je la...

so last nite, as every other new year, this tradition is a must...and we did it again...

we're living in a housing area...with neighbours around...and so, with our new-year-must-do, and with the huge laughs from the parents and me, plus the shouting (yeah-yeah-ing....auw-auw-ing) from my nieces and nephews, we created a massive disharmony choir in the neighbourhood...

do we care what others might think?? hell-2-d-no...its new year, remember?? hehe...

a year had passed since we celebrated the coming of 2011...and its now a day passed of new year's day...we have hundreds more days to face, thousands of things to do, and millions of possibilities ahead before we celebrate the coming of 2013...

i sincerely hope that everything in between u (and me) and the next new year, will be fabulous...and as my friend said "life without problem is boring..", so enjoy your problem, and do remember that problem solve someday...

p/s Happy New Year, reader...ooohhh btw, can u count how many times i used the word so?? seems like, i have vocab problem..hhhmmm i have to study new words then...

ciao,

with love,
afenefa