My Precious Valentine...with dad...

it wasnt a day with my boyfriend....but it was a day that my father was discharged from hospital...and it was the blessed day ever..

sat, 11 feb 2012..
at first, i blamed myself for not checking my father thoroughly...i just knocked the door, switched on the light, and asked my father if he wants to eat or not...i thought my father was sleeping...but he wasnt...

he was cold, shaking, sweating, and unconscious...i have no idea how long he was in that conditions..a minute, an hour, or maybe more...i was scared and panicked...not sure what to do, i texted my sister and called my mom...i was actually crying for a minute in my room before i decided to text, to call and to go downstair to tell my other sister...

i cant handled that kind of situation...i will be crying inside while shaking on the outside...i was full with guilt...

when we were in the hospital, waiting patiently outside the emergency room, families keep asking me, why i didnt waking up my dad earlier...i did...but my assumption was wrong...

the doctor told us that my father's sugar level was low...dangerously low...1.9...he could die...so he stayed in the hospital for 4 days...dripped with sugar...

my father's sugar count can increase/decrease like bullet train fast or snail slow...and it was pretty scary...coz we have to maintain the sugar...so that it not fall to dangerously low or fly up to diabetic high...it was easy in the hospital since they have their sugar indicator (not sure whats its name)...but its really hard now since my dad already checked out from the hospital-hotel...

so, we have to make sure that my dad have enough sugar everyday...thats mean, eating sweets....and eating on time...no more skipping meals...

i wish that after this experience, no more drop dead sugar incident...i want my parents to be A ok...

btw, i love to celebrate valentine's day...even if some people said that it shouldnt be celebrated...since love can be celebrate each and everyday...but for me, YES we can celebrate and cherish our love everyday, we can buy flowers, chocolates or presents everyday...but valentines day is known as love's day...no matter what history behind it, but its a LOVE's DAY....its a day to express love, to share love and to be with love out of jealousy (sy mengaku sy jeles nmpk kwn dpt bunga bln may padahal bukan valentines day coz sy pun mau 1...so bgus lg bg sma2 dgn kwn msa valentines day so no envy girl hehe...)....

so, apa2 pun yg other people ckp psl valentines day, i tak kesa...sy mau jua celebrate valentines day the way i want to celebrate it...valentines day not strictly to christians only...its for all...same goes to friendship day...why you wanna celebrate friendship more than love?? is friendship for all while love for christian?? if people still wanna categorized non-living things as christian or non-christian, go ahead...my advice for christians out there - we stand what we stand, hold tight, remain silent, and dont join anger..my advice for non-christian out there who want to plot anything against christian - as malaysians, you should know that Islam and AGONG are two issues that shouldnt be touched, your religion is secured now and forever, then why bother others?

its feb = love....i love u...u love me??

its february...its cupid...its love....so, i want to post anything that relate to love...from now till the end of this month...boring??? i tak kesa...

so now, im officially switching on my love mode...jubii...

i knew that nobody's perfect...but, im kinda perfectionist...well, for sure, i cant be perfect, but, i can try to be one...and people say, human will make mistakes from the beginning of their live till they turn to stony cold 6ft under...but that doesnt mean that we as human are OK to make mistakes...NEVER...but, we as human are OK to prevent doing any mistakes...and THATS perfection...

when it comes to feb = love, people will automatically think feb = love among couples, relationship men and women, husbands and wives,  etc...and when it comes to mistake, these relationships are the magnet of it...

after a 'break-up' 3yrs ago (well, not exactly a break-up, but he left me for another girl, and yet, they are no longer together as i wrote this post), i realized that i should buy books...books about relationship...books about love...books about long-lasting relationship...ada ka???

as a student, i had trained myself to follow rules or steps...especially in lab, i must follow the steps and prevent any possible errors...so, i neeeeeeeed those books to help me....to guide me to a better me...in relationship...for me, it sounds really desperate (at first)...but since im a perfectionist, i am desperate enough to learn...to learn whats the best for me and for my future partner...because break-up is SUXXXXXZ....

so my first book about relationship is "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" by John Gray...(promote jap...) if u want to buy any books about relationship, do buy this book first and foremost...why?? because u have to understand your man and yourself first...this book teach u how to understand your man (for girls' case)...and this book also teach u that all the differences your former gf/bf said bout u or vice versa, can be treated/prevented with understanding among the sexes...so this book is really all-in-one...

The primary love needs of women and men:
a) women need to receive: 1.caring, 2. understanding, 3.respect, 4.devotion, 5.validation, 6.reassurance...


b) men need to receive: 1.trust, 2.acceptance, 3.appreciation, 4.admiration, 5.approval, 6.encouragement...


*so, give those to ur partner...


The biggest different between mars and venus:
- men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others...
- meaning: men always back and forth from the natural him to the silent him...natural: ladies...have fun with him...silent: ladies...go and find your girl-friend for chat...while ladies' rise-and-fall: gents, understand ur lady...
- conclusion: gents understand the ladies, the ladies set the gents free to silent mode...


through this book, i realized that the cant-stop-talking routine of mine, was the biggest mistake i ever made in my past relationship...it really showed me that i am not fully understand him as a man...i am not aware when he pulled back...and when i should shut my f-ing mouth...and now i knew, i hope that i can detect the pull-back and practice to zip up my kissable mouth in my current/future relationship...

this is for u....

2009....

we talked...we text-ed...we met...

i love...u love...us...

2010...

rocky...windy...teary...

i love...u loved...us...her

2011...

arguing...pretending...crying...

i loved...u loved...us...

but...

considering...caring...surviving...

i love...u love..us...friend...

2012...

shocking...shocking...crying...

i love...u love...us...hope...

now...

i miss...u miss?

i love...u love?

i have loved u for a thousand years, and i will love you for thousands more...

and i wont let you be the one that got away...

5am...27 jan 2012...unique...

"Almost Here"

(feat. Delta Goodrem)

Did I hear you right

'Cause I thought you said

Let's think it over

You have been my life

And I never planned

Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light

Where a love once shined so bright

Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world

If I had a chance

Oh won't you let me 

Treat me like a child

Throw your arms around me

Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered how it hurts

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered now it hurts 

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here

(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)

And when I hold you, you're almost here

(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)

(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears

'Cause I know I'm almost here)

Only almost here

i cant sleep......i keep on repeating this song for almost 2 hours now...no reason for that actually...but it reminds me of someone...someone that i cant even reach...so, i back to writing...as it will ease me...

im sorry, coz im different...i like/love things that are unique...unique when compare within my family...that someone is unique...the uniqueness makes me likes him...

and...makes me wanna find someone with the same uniqueness as him...he's almost here, but still, i cant reach him...

i will never wish that he's mine someday....never...my only wish is to see him again...

just, to see him again...

i know i will meet him again...i have faith in that...and will always have...

he's a friend...and he's dear to me...

the vampire diaries: the awakening...

im not sure when actually...either raya 2011 or raya 2010...but im kinda sure that it was raya 2010...coz last year's raya i wasnt that active 'jalan2'....

as i typed this, i was thinking for a few minutes...and this time, i am pretty confident that it was raya 2010....

and yes, it was 2010 (based on a few memories)...that i bought my Vampire Diaries books (set of four)....

and, up until now, 22nd January 2012, i havent read those books...i repeat, i havent read those books after 1.5 years ago...

since im on holiday now, i cleaned up my room...i found things that i forgot i owned...i found shirts/dresses/leggings with tags still intact (for sure, i never wore them)....i found unopened letters....i found shoes still in their box...i found books i never read....i even found books still covered with plastic....i found my curler (i thought i lost it)....and i found many other things...and i was like "ooooohhhh, wooow...lamanya aku cari benda ni..."...well, i have to admit that i love to buy things, quite a hoarder, and easy to forget??? hhhhmmmm maybe...

so back to vampire diaries...

since im on holiday, i have plenty of time to read...yes, i want to read it...i will read it...and i wont stop...but i will pause sometimes...

september 4

dear diary,

something awful is going to happen today.

i dont know why i wrote that. its crazy. theres no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but...

but here i am at 5.30 in the morning, awake and scared. i keep telling myself its just that im all messed up from the time difference between France and here. but that doesnt explain why i feel so scared. so lost.

the day before yesterday, while aunt judith and margaret and i were driving back from the airport, i had such a strange feelings. when we turned onto our street i suddenly thought, "Mom and Dad are waiting for us at home. i bet they'll be on the front porch or in the living room looking out the window. they must have missed me so much."

i know. that sounds totally crazy.

but even when i saw the house and the empty front porch i still felt that way. i ran up the steps and i tried the door and knocked with the knocker. and when aunt judith unlocked the door i burst inside and just stood in the hallway listening, expecting to hear mom coming down the stairs or dad calling from the den.

just then aunt judith let a suitcase crash down on the floor behind me and sighed a huge sigh and said "we're home." and margaret laughed. and the most horrible feeling i've ever felt in my life came over me. i've never felt so utterly and completely lost.

home. im home. why does that sound like a lie?

i was born here in Fell's Church. ive always lived in this house, always. this is my same old bedroom, with the scorch mark on the floorboards where caroline and i tried to sneak cigarettes in 5th grade and nearly choked ourselves. i can look out the window and see the big quince tree matt and the guys climbed up to crash my birthday slumber party two years ago. this is my bed, my chair, my dresser.

but right now everything looks strange to me, as if i dont belong here.its me thats out of place. and the worst thing is that i feel there's somewhere i do belong, but i just cant find it.

i was too tired yesterday to go to orientation, meredith picked up my schedule for me, but i didnt feel like talking to her on the phone. aunt judith told everyone who called that i had jet lag and was sleeping, but she watched me at dinner with a funny look on her face.

ive got to see the crowd today, though. we're supposed to meet in the parking lot before school. is that why im scared? am i frightened of them?

Elena Gilbert stopped writing.........................................

ok...i want to cont my reading...ciao...

the purpose of my life...

life, is not always rainbows and butterflies...
rainbow pun bkn hr2 ada kn...and butterfly pun bkn hr2 kta nmpk...

i sometimes wondered whats the purpose of life...

a) to stay alive? --- yeah probably...but why some people consume cigarette or drug and we secondary smokers have to inhale the smoke?

b) to get a better life? --- can u help me define better life? is it the same with dead-free or cancer-free?

but for me, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

i hereby admit that, i, tiffany anthony, shutting off my 'thankful' DNA all the time...

i did say thank you to those who help me...

but i didnt say thank you to myself in every changes i made...unfortunately, there is none...

thats why, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

be thankful to God cause i still breath today...

be thankful to parents cause im here today...

be thankful to my teacher/lecturer cause i learnt a lot from them...

if only i realized this long time ago, i would never mad to my parents...i would never escaped any classes..and i would never sleep on God's day (sunday) when i supposed to be in the church...

well, thats my fault...since i live in a worldly area, thus, i focused on worldly stuff...

so from now on, im taking a bachelor degree on thankful...and to be graduated soon....

exam.....................the end.........

exam da hbis...

should i say more??

yeah....

its freedom...

and now im officially on holiday for about 7 weeks...and yeah, i did make some plans...risky plans...and yet i will pursue it (no matter what...heheh)....

all i can think is - EUROPE.....

why europe??? hhhmmmm i dont know...hehe just wait and see....