serius, aku benci...

aku ada sorg kwn ni...knl nta dr thun bila...dia kazen with my best buddy...dr awl kmi knl, dia mmg tau sy ada special someone...till one day, i told him la yg im currently single, since he asked me if im still with his cousin or not...

but before he asked me that, he always said that he likes me...he always asked if i will be his gf one day...and as always my answer will be no, not now...

since i knew him, i never asked anything about his current/past relationship...coz for me kn, sbagai kwn x perlu la mau tau...mcm busy body pla...

but he always call me syg eventho im not his syg...sy x kesa if dia mau pgl sy syg...coz i just assume syg is my new nickname instead of afen...

from the first time, i gave him my number, i was like not wanting/expecting his call/text...i gave him my dg, so i left my dg phone in my bedroom, always...but after a few days, few phone calls and few texts from him, i decided to reply all, its been ages since i last reload my dg so i used my celcom...but actually kn, sy x suka ba mau reply or talk with any guy..tp rsa bsalah punya pasal sy reply all msgs tmasuk la msgs yg sy x reply dulu2 x kira sepa sendernya...

recently, after weeks of silence between the two of us, i decided to give him a call...as always im syg...he asked me again if i would love to be his gf...and as always i said no, not now...

lg 1 benda aku x ska is aku x ska mau cek fb org...apa lg mau bca latest status updates...but yesterday, i was 'told' to check his fb...so i checked la...guess what i found in his timeline..earlier feb 2012, twice ah he puts married to _________...and just days before i called him, he changed from married to single...

his latest posts kn mainly about a guy and a cheating girl...1 postnya he mention yg llki n ppuan tu da bbek n da blik together n happy with a child...so i asked him why...dgn kerasnya lg sy tnya dia...

finally dia mgaku...mmg dia setia dgn ppuan tu slama ni...tp ppuan tu curang dgn dia...and i was like, wow, pndi ko tipu sy slama ni ya...and he said "sy mmg ska ko"...nsb bek sy cma agp dia kwn...

then sy msg la dia, "sburuk2 mn pun prangai ppuan tu, if ko mmg syg dgn dia dr dlu, ko patutnya cri jln utk bbek dgn dia...bkn p cri ppuan len utk mlupakn prob...if ko cri ppuan len e2 hanya tmbhkn prob..."

serius aku benci llaki mcm ni...mmg la ht sakit if gf/bf curang...tp jan la gunakan ppuan/llki len utk mlupakan the cheating gf/bf...some cases kn mmg la bkesan cra rebound ni...tp what if the cheating gf/bf wanna us back? ko tau ko mmg ska the cheating gf/bf n ko gna kn ppuan/llki bru, for sure yg bru ko lpaskn kn...e2 la reason why ppl x akn cri bf/gf bru in blink of an eye due to hope...hope that they will be together again...kta sure mharap mcm tu sbb kta tbesa dgn "let loose of someone that u love, if he/she comes back, then he/she is yours to keep"...unless if llki tu mmg ska dgn yg bru then tu len crita la knn...haha

tp yg ppuan ni pun 1...bfnya c A dia curang dgn c B dia break dgn c B dia blik dgn c A then dia curang lg dgn c C...omigod...aku serius benci jua dgn ppuan mcm ni...mcmn la llki akn ska ppuan if llki sndri pun tkt dgn possibility ppuan curang...last2 dpt llki yg curang dan bknnya llki bek...ppuan ni hrus rasa bruntung coz c A mc ska n setia dgn dia...tp org kata setia ni ada had limit...n if dorg ada baby, aku hope sgt2 yg dorg akn blik n setia n happy together for the sake of the baby...

n me? im 23, still young...n i dont wanna have any bf...coz i still wanna enjoy my commitment-free life...

btw, he just called me...he said pls dun get mad...so i just said, sy x mrh, sy cma x mau tmbh masalah...sekian....

6th sense...mati

pena ka kmu tba2 trasa/tfikir mcmn kta mati one day? mcmn kta hembuskn nafas terakhir? sakitkah? trus p mana la kita if kita sdh mati nnti? kta mc bnafas ka tu ya bla kita sdh jd roh? etc...

sy paling x suka if sy suddenly tfikir mcm ni...i cant sleep n sy blh nangis...

klu sudah jd mcm ni kn, knfm sy akn tell myself to not think more bout it or i force myself to forget it or i switch on my laptop n pretend to watch movie or hear songs loudly...

bkn sbb sy takut mau mati...tp mati kn benda paling confirm dlm dunia...so no need to be afraid of, right...

tp, yg bt sy x ska is i know that there is someone in family that will pass away...n i dont know how i know this, that i cant tell anybody about it before it really happened...

sy tau some of u kn knfm la ba pena rasa/fikir mcm ni kn..bad feelings bout something...

but, i realized this since i was a kid...back in tawau when i was 7@8 yrs old...tp waktu tu sy x nangis la coz budak2 otak mc d lutut...mn la fkir benda len kcuali main main n main...

waktu tu sy fikir psl mati...n i was so afraid...then a few days later, my dad's bestfriend kn pass away...

at first, sy x la pduli lgsg....tp bla sdh bsar2 sdh kn, makin mjadi ni...byk sdh org yg pass away after each kejadian...my uncles, my aunties, my cousins...

recently, last week...it happened again...then my aunty pass away the next day...

few yrs ago, my mama tua (my mom's sister) punya cucu kn tunang ba di tawau...so kmi decided mau konvoi la ni gna kreta from kk to tawau...my parents dorg mau p...sy x mau lgsg ikt dorg p tawau coz bkn jua close sgt kn sy dgn my own cousins semua...tp nta sepa yg send msg p otak sy n bgtau sy utk join konvoi tu to save my parents...meaning, if sy follow them, then my mom n my dad will safe...tp kmi x sma kreta...my dad len, my mom len, n sy len...tp sy x risau, as long as sy ikt, then dorg akn slamat...the 2nd reason why i join is that person also told me that there will be an accident...sume kreta ada possibility to be in that accident minus the 3 cars who brought my mom, my dad n i...so, left 2 cars...50-50 chance la dorg...so on the way back kn, btul2 la ada accident, dorg masuk parit...sume slamat la, cuma lebam2 n kemik skit ja kreta...

bkn bad things ja la yg sy blh tau...any other things pun...contoh, msa sy d mtrk kn, sy mandi...tba2 tfikir sony ericsson...punya sy pelik...nta knapa tba2 sy tfikir psl tu..tp mlmnya, my roomate blik dr jmpa org...org yg dia jmpa tu bg dia hp sony...

msa exam spm...paper english...days before the exam kn tba2 sy kna bgtau psl apa yg kluar part literature...jd sy pun bca tu ja la...coz sy trust my own instinct...msa exam day, btul2 kluar...sy pun happy la coz sy sdh hafal hehe...tp part exam ni sy sure bkn sy sorg ja pena org len pun...hahaha

apa2 pun, sy still rsa takut if benda mati tu dtang lg...coz sy tau what will come next...cma sepa ja yg sy x tau...in case sy huish lg la aku tkt...