as i typed this, i was thinking for a few minutes...and this time, i am pretty confident that it was raya 2010....
and yes, it was 2010 (based on a few memories)...that i bought my Vampire Diaries books (set of four)....
and, up until now, 22nd January 2012, i havent read those books...i repeat, i havent read those books after 1.5 years ago...
since im on holiday now, i cleaned up my room...i found things that i forgot i owned...i found shirts/dresses/leggings with tags still intact (for sure, i never wore them)....i found unopened letters....i found shoes still in their box...i found books i never read....i even found books still covered with plastic....i found my curler (i thought i lost it)....and i found many other things...and i was like "ooooohhhh, wooow...lamanya aku cari benda ni..."...well, i have to admit that i love to buy things, quite a hoarder, and easy to forget??? hhhhmmmm maybe...
so back to vampire diaries...
since im on holiday, i have plenty of time to read...yes, i want to read it...i will read it...and i wont stop...but i will pause sometimes...
september 4
dear diary,
i dont know why i wrote that. its crazy. theres no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but...
but here i am at 5.30 in the morning, awake and scared. i keep telling myself its just that im all messed up from the time difference between France and here. but that doesnt explain why i feel so scared. so lost.
the day before yesterday, while aunt judith and margaret and i were driving back from the airport, i had such a strange feelings. when we turned onto our street i suddenly thought, "Mom and Dad are waiting for us at home. i bet they'll be on the front porch or in the living room looking out the window. they must have missed me so much."
i know. that sounds totally crazy.
but even when i saw the house and the empty front porch i still felt that way. i ran up the steps and i tried the door and knocked with the knocker. and when aunt judith unlocked the door i burst inside and just stood in the hallway listening, expecting to hear mom coming down the stairs or dad calling from the den.
just then aunt judith let a suitcase crash down on the floor behind me and sighed a huge sigh and said "we're home." and margaret laughed. and the most horrible feeling i've ever felt in my life came over me. i've never felt so utterly and completely lost.
home. im home. why does that sound like a lie?
i was born here in Fell's Church. ive always lived in this house, always. this is my same old bedroom, with the scorch mark on the floorboards where caroline and i tried to sneak cigarettes in 5th grade and nearly choked ourselves. i can look out the window and see the big quince tree matt and the guys climbed up to crash my birthday slumber party two years ago. this is my bed, my chair, my dresser.
but right now everything looks strange to me, as if i dont belong here.its me thats out of place. and the worst thing is that i feel there's somewhere i do belong, but i just cant find it.
i was too tired yesterday to go to orientation, meredith picked up my schedule for me, but i didnt feel like talking to her on the phone. aunt judith told everyone who called that i had jet lag and was sleeping, but she watched me at dinner with a funny look on her face.
ive got to see the crowd today, though. we're supposed to meet in the parking lot before school. is that why im scared? am i frightened of them?
Elena Gilbert stopped writing.........................................
ok...i want to cont my reading...ciao...
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