huh ko tgk porn ka?? yikes jan kantoi ba...

d metro ada news pasal teenagers addicted to phone porn stories...then, ada lg news psl malaysian couple posted their nude photos + intimate vids in their blog...so, org sekeliling bhabis la ni bckap psl remaja zaman sekarg + mengaitkan nama negara...

besanya, org yg ckp "budak zaman sekarang" ni maksudnya negatif kn...tp bila sy fkr2 blik kn (besala nada keja so bfikir ja la knn keja ku skrg), x bek jua ckp macam tu...i am an adult but am still a teenager inside...

our parents - life dorg moden di zaman dorg but when compare to our life now kn, totally vintage...human are created with brain to think...thus, the earth is modernized each day...

so when it comes to SEX....dulu, sex is taboo...but not now...why? sebabnya, manusia skrg da makin moden...so kta x malu2 lg mau ckp psl sex...even kta pun ada belajar psl sexual behavior, sex pros and cons, sex prevention, etc...

so back to the news in metro, jan la simply said "budak zaman sekarang"...alasan sy, words tu tlalu negatif...org2 skrg kena la ingt...tech yg kta ada skrg ni tcipta sbb:

1) panas jua ni dunia, klu mcm ni la sllu mati la sy -->> maka tcipta nya air-cond...
2) gila mau p KL kena belayar 5 hari!! ingt kapal tu titanic ka yg besar blh bw ramai org, klu sy lpar mcmn?? --->> maka tciptanya kapal terbang...
3) kemarin surat x...hr ni pun surat x...bsuk confirm x...thun depan kli bru smpi --->> maka tciptanya SMS..murah lg tu 1sen ja per sms...mn mo cari...
4) astaga sy lupa bw buku telefon sy...mn sy hafal nma c anu bin c anu...cis, x dpt dating ni hr...--->> maka tciptanya contact d stiap hp, so x pyh lg mau hfl mau bw buku sgala...
etc...

makanya, dr negatif thasilnya ssuatu yg bru kn...tp tu untk tech...tp manusia?? klu sy kn, mkin negatif mkin tu sy bt...besala, aku kn curious...slama aku hidup, aku x blh kira sdh brapa byk benda yg "ep-no-no" sdh ku bt...so, aku tau la yg larangan adala 1 usaha yg sia2...

bla ckp "besala bdak zaman skrg"...mkin menjadi2 tu...so, next time ckp la "besala budak baru blajar"...hehehe yala, dorg belajar so mestila ada praktikal...tp praktikalnya silap smpai kantoi...

remaja2 yg ska tgk porn sites ka, ska bt porn vid as if dorg tu porn stars ka, bt la lg...tp jan la sampai kantoi..sbb dorg ni la punca remaja skrg ni mberontak...mberontak sbb dorg dlarang bt apa ja yg dorg mau dgn alasan parents takut dorg bt perkara x senonoh...well parents, u have to trust ur kid...teenagers prone to rebel...takn korg mc x tau kn...korg pun pena jua muda remaja hehe...mesti jua parents pena search mn2 utk tau what sex is kn...so better, confront la ur kid...since sex is not a taboo anymore kn, its easier for modern parent to say it out loud...haha...drpd dorg p bt praktikal trus bek ckp dgn dorg awl2 kn...klu parents bt mcm ni, x la org akn ckp "budak zaman skrg"...

# reason sy tulis entri ni --->> my mom bla-bla-bla this...bla-bla-bla that...to my nephew yg skrg ada cewek da...sy da ckp dgn my mom "kc biar la dorg...mau lrg nti mkin mjadi...klu mau kc ingt dorg da tblh ingt sdh tu...dorg blm teruk lg...n pastinya dorg x akn truk pun...men yakin ja ba..."...so, from this day onward, sy akn kantoi...alamak, tlbh sdh...LOLz....

ingt!!! jgn smpai kantoi!!!

jgn la tanya sy bla sy mau kwin...

dlu msa masi d U...org akn tanya...bla hbs blajar??

skrg bla da graduated...kena tnya...keja sdh??

but, now...im 24...just graduated...org da mulai tnya...bila nak kwin??

cba la ckp "wah, blh kwin sdh ko..."...rather than tnya sy bla mau kwin...coz sy x jwpn bla sy kwin...n sy pun x tau d mn sy blh dpt tu jwpn...mau tnya bf bikin malu ja...dia sendri pun confirm x tau bla dia mau kwin tba2 sy pla yg p tnya ni...

apa2 pun sy ska jua ba kena tnya...sbb asl kena tnya confirm sy ckp "ba p la cri sy sorg yg ngam..blh sy kwin trus dgn dia kn..."...

tp klu sy kena tnya lg solan 'bla mau kwin' ni bsuk onward, sy akn jwb "on the way"...well, sabahan kan sllu ckp "we are on the way"...oppa sabah style la knn...hehhee

we are young...XD

aku rindu dia...

org ni p outstation utk 3 mgu or maybe more...tmptnya lgsg x line...mau @ x kna la tgu dia blik dlu bru dpt contact...huhu...xpala org ni p utk keja bkn utk bt benda len...will miss u...:D

aku ber-zumba??

yeah....aku bzumba smalam...aku sendri pun mc x pcya aku blh2 p zumba ah smlm...

well, d jdkn crita, my sis blik kg kmarin...so dia bw la p zumba d putatan...at first, aku mmg x mau p...tp my sis ckp dia blik papar jua mlm lpas zumba so i decided to join...

zumba class with zin chacha d putatan...1st tym aku join...7pm klas tu start...

yg benarnya kn....aku malu ba join...malu sbb aku bkn nya pandai menari pun...badan keras mcm kayu ada ht mau menari tiang kn...lol...

tp xla sgt pun zumba ni mcm menari tiang...cma dia sexy ja...tu yg bt syok n mau lg knn menari ahh...hahahaha

so, after class, an hour later...banyk doh peluh...rmbt pun mcm bru ja kna cuci...melekat...bju pun melekat sbb basah...

tp yg pling kick.....klas tu kn di tingkat 3...so aku ni bru lg dgn zumba...so tym mau turun tangga....nah sna la paha ku sakit...bgegar kaki ku msa trun...sis ku ckp mmg mcm tu klu 1st tym p...huhu...so smlm smpi rmh trus mengampai tdo...

but now, the pain ody gone...yeepee...

next week, ada zumba party lg sna wisma wanita...ticket da beli...so kna la p...

kmarin sjam ja...d zumba party nti 1.5hr...kaki ku bkal skit lg ni nti...

apa2 pun currently aku ska pla mau menari tiang a.k.a bzumba...lol...hehe

aku x minat politik...sorry...

im proud to be malaysian...and im proud to be sabahan...but when it comes to politic - sorry, im out...

jam 8pm, mesti channel astro kna tukar p 103...tgk berita la knn...tp lately kn, mcm smua pun psl politik...recently, psl bajet...

deep inside me kn, sy x mau ambl tau...my reason - too much negativity...ya la, 1 part ckp bgus, 1 part ckp x bgus...sbagai rakyat, kdg jd bingung...

so sblm sy jd bingung, sy pilih utk x ambl tau...ska ht dorg la nak bt apa...yg pentg, malaysia x bperang, n hdup ku aman...

hepi bday utk dri sndri...

11.50 pm...10 min lg aku bkal jd 24thun 1hr...

so sblm bday aku xpired...aku mau wish hepi bday utk dri sndri...

aku pun x pasti brapa kli aku wish mcm tu utk dri sndri...hr ni...tanda ku syg dgn dri sndri g2...

apa2 pun...aku x bt apa2 party ka dinner ka utk bday ku hr ni...mgkn ahad ni kot...

6yrs b4 aku dilahirkn...my grandma (mom's side) passed away...exactly 6yrs b4 my bday...meaning, 19th sept 1982...bla bday ku kira sndri la ya...(klu mau la)...

so utk kesekian kalinya...happy 24th birthday dear afen...and happy 30th anniversary to grandma up above...i truly love myself...and i always love and missing you grandma...if only my grandma is here with me, i probably will give her hugs and kisses...coz i know i love her...

tu la aku sllu ingtkn famly ku anniversary my grandma...coz i want her memories stay with us...even i do not have any...

cheers grandma...hjg mgu ni kta mkn2 ya...:D

kenapa mesti dicari???

hr tu my wire-man ada kol...dgn nada org bermasalah, dia bgtau sy...

him: blh ka syg jan mrh klu sy bgtau sy jln 13@14 sept nti?
me: bt pa mau mrh klu b jln??
him: sy jln p jmpa bpa xgf sy...
me: oh ok...apa uncle tu mau??

apa uncle tu mau??? --->>> my biggest question...

stahu sy, anak dia n my wire-man da break up...

then, my wire-man said --->>> nta la...dia mcm mau pujuk sy blik dgn anak dia...

uncle, uncle...klu la uncle tu blh bca blog sy kn...sy mau dia bca --->>> c bern da move forward la...anak uncle da bt kputusan untuk break...anak uncle da bt kputusan utk bsama dgn llki lain...uncle ska @ x dgn bf bru anak uncle tu, uncle kna deal with it by yourself...bkn cri c bern n pujuk dia blik dgn anak uncle...klu pun c bern mau blik dgn ank uncle blm tentu lg anak uncle tu akn trima c bern blik...lgpn c bern skrg dgn ppuan bru...bg la dia pluang utk happy...

tp mlngnya, smua tu hnya d blog ni ja...sy pun x ckp mcm tu dgn my wire-man...

reaksi sy msa tu --->>> pergilah jmpa...sy tau, sorg bapa mahukn yg tbaik utk anak dia...klu pun dia mau b blik dgn anaknya, b sendri blh bt kputusan sma ada mau blik dgn dia @ setia dgn sy...asalkan waktu tu, b x lpa sy...

pastu dia ckp, dia mau bw sy skali jmpa utk knlkn dorg gf dia...tp sy skeras2nya menolak...alasan, dorg bkn famly my wire-man plus, sy x mau msuk cmpur...lgpun sy bkn perampas...

after an hour +- later....i decided to say thanks...then, my wire-man pun confused...dia tnya knpa thank u??

then sy blas --->>> klu sorg bapa rasa yg b tu tbaik utk anknya (wpun bkn bapa sy), ckup utk meyakinkn sy yg b ni sorg yg baik...so, thank u sbb b mc bertahan utk knl lbh, msa kta mula knl dlu...wpun sy tau sy sombong gila waktu tu...

apa pun yg tjadi lpas ni, sy hrp kmi face it brilliantly and smoothly...cheers...

hei, org keja la....

dgn sgala hormatnya, aku bru2 ja hbs degree...so org ckp, p la cri keja...aku sdh p cri keja pun tp blm ada yg sangkut lg...so, sy kena la sabar 200%....sabar aku ni, ko jgn...

mau di jadikan cerita, hari ni my other half kol jam 2.36am...my wire-man tu kan sllu sdh blik lwt due to his never-ending projects...kuar rmh jam 7am blik rmh x tentu...pling awl jam 7.30pm pling lewat 3am...

so, msa dia kol tu, aku tgh zzz...tp i manage to answer his call and i said hello...

our conversation was mainly bout his ex gf...coz exgfnya kol dia....their conversation was mainly bout getting back to him plus perbezaan gf dlu n gf skrg...sy tkejut tau...awl pg ba tu dia kol sy trus ckp mcm tu...da la sy mc mamai kn trus segar ba...sy x marah pun dia mention psl xgf-nya...sy jeles pun x coz tu past life dia kn so there's no reason why i should be jealous coz i know he's with me now...so, i just listened to him and gave appropriate respond...

since xgfnya tnya psl pbezaan, my wire-man ada ckp msa dia kol perbezaan between his ex and his current gf...and 1 big difference is time keja...so sy tnya la ada apa dgn time keja?? dia ckp la exgf nya sllu kol msa dia keja tp sy x - meaning sy fhm la keja nya knn...sbenarnya kn, sy x ska ba kna compare and contrast dgn sepa2 ni kn lg dgn xgf...my reasons are - everybody is different, and everybody change through time...

so, bla dia ckp psl that big difference kn, it made me wonder...bkn la mau memuji dri sendri tp knapa ya ada ppuan yg x fhm keja other half dorg?

for my case kn, sy mc tanam anggur d rmh...dia keja mau rebut tender la, p meeting jmpa org la, bt keja dr am-am, blik rmh penat...x patut jua sy pentingkn dri mau kol dia pg, kol dia tghr, kol dia ptg, kol dia mlm...aku pun rimas klu mau bkol ja sllu...it's in human nature la ba kn untk bfikir what's best for u and others...so, sabar is crucial here...if sy da keja one day, sy pun xmau la kna kol sllu hnya utk bborak kosong even if the caller is someone i love...tp if sy keja ofis hour kn, dia blh jua la kol sy lunch time just to say i love u (ahaks) or call me whenever there is an important question to ask/emergency...

like i said b4, sy x ska kna compare n contrast coz i know everybody is different and everybody can change through time...mgkn xgfnya blm melalui any transition...or maybe xgfnya bru 1st time kapel dgn llki yg da keja...sy pena ckp dgn dia yg xgfnya nti pun akn brubah jua...trus dia ckp "mau sy blik dgn dia ka?"...honest, sy x mau (ni kli la sy pentingkn dri hehe)....

it's 1.04pm here...dia blm kol@msg lg...meaning dia blm lg p mkn...biar la org yg ada keja mcari org yg x keja...nti bla c ada keja ckp x blh bkol lma sbb tgh keja, c x keja mrh, jd isu nti bgaduh pla kn...so it's better if yg da keja ja mcari bru la c x keja tau bla c ada keja free...

bangga la ba....

aku bangga ba telur2 malaysia pecah sdh...wpun telur emas mc lg telur tp at least yg len menetas...

ni pasal d fb la lg...yg psl llaki mau ptong anu-nya tu...lucu btl aku bca postnya...

sy rsa niatnya utk bgurau...tp org len yg mc demam olimpik, org yg mc mharapkn pingat untuk malaysia rsa gurauannya da tlebih...honest, aku pun rsa tlebih...sbb, aku mmg didiagnos dgn demam olimpik...

ktara sgt dia mjthkn semangat kesukanan org len...n ktara sgt yg dia tu masih di takuk lama...dia sdh tbesa yg malaysia x akn bw sebarang pingat di olimpik...tp nasib seseorg sntiasa berubah...apa lg nsib sesebuah negara kn...apa yg penting, kta bharap miracle @ perubahan tu blaku dgn cptnya...

aku pun sebenarnya mau la dia tunaikan janji nya tu...utk potong anu-nya...besala, slogan krajaan skrg kn janji ditepati...kta sbgai rakyat hdup under krajaan...so janji harus ditepati...n bg la bukti skali...hahahhahaha lucu jua kn...sbb nta pa la buktinya yg dia bg nti...pic anu-nya sdh dpotong kli kn hehehehe....

always remind ourselves, remind others untk mulakan sesuatu dgn bfikir...skian, cheers...

i heart sabah....

post kli ni dimula kn dgn ketawa....hahaha...kenapa ketawa?? sbb sy rsa lucu la ba...ko ni ah...

heboh 1Fb ah psal sorang budak ppuan nta pa namanya (mlas mau mention here)....complainin bout sabah...dia cakap sabah negeri kotor la etc (x pelu mau mention here coz for sure u ol da tau)...

lpas tu melarat lg pula...ada lg org2 len ni yg complain sabah lg...tp yg pling kick kn di sabah ada ka jual baldi?? hahahhahahahhahahaha tburai isi perut ku ketawa ooo...

honest aku x tau la if dorg btul2 merasai 'ketiadaan' baldi di sabah...atau pun dorg sgja ja bt mcm 2 utk menarik perhatian...ala besala publisiti murahan...

di rumah ku byk baldi siap ada besen lg...klu dia mau blh ja dtg rmh ku p ambl tu besen klu2 dia rsa dirinya tlalu besar x cukup sebaldi...i bg free...hehe...tp klu btul sabah nada baldi blh ba tu baldi dr rmhnya yg nun jauh di sana di courier gna poslaju smpi kk...nah ada sdh baldi kn...

klu psal negeri sampah tu sy x tau mau komen mcmn coz dia x define sampah tu mcmn...if sabah kotor dgn real sampah, then aku pun x tau part mn la dia p di sabah yg sbegitu kotor...coz bg aku x pun kotor di kk ni...

klu part karok, byk la karok d kk...dlu2 ska p karamunsing sna p karok, tp skrg sy ska p suria...di 1b pun ada...tgl dipilih ja yg murah ka, yg mau ada minum ka, yg mau ada arak ka, mau yg murah ka, yg skejap ka, byk bei di kk...

ada lg 1 komen psl cawat....hahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha pun kick jua...aku heran knapa dorg ckp di sabah mc ada yg pakai cawat...dorg mau sgt ka tgk org pkai cawat ja jln2?? eeee x tau malu ah dorg mau tgk cawat org...

huh org sabah tgl pokok??? aku tgl housing 2 tingkat, 4 blik, 2 showers, 2 kitchens, 2 living room...maksudnya aku bkn org sabah la tu kn?? hhhmmmm aku org uk kot hehehe sbb aku tgl di rmh bkn pokok...

apa2 pun, aku bharap yg sabahan kn bersabar ja la dgn smua ni...kta x tau kn knapa dorg bt mcm tu...x pelu mau emo...ckup skadar kta tau mcmn kta di sabah ni hidup...biar ja dorg dtg sabah n tgk sndri negeri sabah yg kita banggakan ni mcmn kn...

i heart sabah...sabah is me...

the seasons of love...

semalam...masa tunggu msg, tiba2 datang angin baca buku yang belinya tahun lalu, tp habis bacanya sampai sekarang pun belum..tapi tinggal sikit lagi..so semalam ni official la sudah aku habis baca buku ni (5 pages ja pun hehe)...title buku "men are from mars, women are from venus" by john gray...aku pernah post pasal buku ni dulu..tapi i truly love the last 5 pages, ada rasa menyesal sikit sebab x baca dulu...

The season of love

A relationship is like a garden. If it is to thrive it must be watered regularly. Special care must be given, taking into account the seasons as well as any unpredictable weather. New seeds must be sown and weeds must be pulled. similarly, to keep the magic of love alive we must understand its seasons and nurture love's special needs.

The springtime of love

Falling in love is like sprintime. We feel as though we will be happy forever. We cannot imagine not loving our partner. It is a time of innocence. Love seems eternal. It is a magical time when everything seems perfect and works effortlessly. Our partner seems to be the perfect fit. We effortlessly dance together in harmony and rejoice in our good fortune.

The summer of love

Throughtout the summer of love we realize our partner is not as perfect as we thought, and we have to work on our relationship. Not only is our partner from another planet, but he or she is also a humann who makes mistakes and is flawed in certain ways.

Frustration and disappointment arise, weeds need to be up-rooted and plants need extra watering under the hot sun. It is no longer easy to give love and get the love we need. We discover that we are not always happy, and we do not always feel loving. It is not our picture of love.

Many couples at this point become disillusioned. They do not want to work on a relationship. They unrealistically expect it to be spring all the time. They blame their partners and give up. They do not realize that love is not always easy; sometimes it requires hard work under a hot sun. In the summer of love, we need to nurture our partner's needs as well as ask for and get the love we need. It doesn't happen automatically.

The autumn of love

As a result of tending the garden during the summer, we get to harvest the results of our hard work. Fall has come. It is a golden time-rich and fulfilling. We experience a more mature love that accepts and understands our partner's imperfections as well as our own. It is a time of thanksgiving and sharing. Having worked hard during summer we can relax and enjoy the love we have created.

The winter of love

Then the weather changes again, and winter comes. During the cold, barren months of winter, all of nature pulls back within itself. It is a time of rest, reflection and renewal. This is a time in relationship when we experience our own unresolved pain or our shadow self. It is when our lid comes off and our painful feelings emerge. It is a time of solitary growth when we need to look more to ourselves than to our partners for love and fulfillment. It is a time of healing. This is the time when men hibernate in their caves and women sink to the bottom of their wells.

After loving and healing ourselves through the dark winter of love, then spring inevitably returns. Once again we are blessed with the feelings of hope, love and an abundance of possibilities. Based on the inner healing and soul searching of our wintery journey, we are then able to open our hearts and feel the springtime of love...

conclusionnya, nobody's perfect...but hard work (in relationship) makes us perfect in our own way...trust your gut, and LOVE more...

what an EX means....

when you are no longer with your bf/gf, automatically you'll be the EX...

the EX can be either the good EX or the bad EX...i sometimes wonder why the ex's cant be friends...well, congratulations if you can be friends with your so-called-ex...

i know it's not easy to be friends with someone that u used to know love...but it's not impossible...well, it's easy for me to say...you just have to forget all the lovey-dovey feelings and start over with nothing...but most importantly, just get over it...besides, time heals everything...so it is useless for you to use your brain thinking about it...

continue with my title...i will start with the good ex...the good ex regardless of whose fault it is, will always stays positive...you know you used to love her/him but you can always be his/her friends...if you cant save the relationship but at least you make an effort to be his/her friend...but make sure, you stick on 'friendship mode' meaning no more love, no more lovey rules, etc...both parties should remember that be friends with your ex is be friends with your ex..not to be a couple again..and also love your enemy...

the bad ex...hhhuuuu....obviously, the bad ex is always negative...he/she won't make friends with his/her ex...i know it will take time to be friends again...even if you don't want to be friends with him/her, don't be like the bad ex that still be there interfering his/her ex's life...meaning, comparing him/herself with the new bf/gf, contacting the ex bf/gf saying miss the moment even if he/she knows that their ex have move on...when he/she is not that into you, he/she is not that into you....so stop contacting your ex...contact with him/her only if you have an important news or to catch up with their life...

whether you are the good or the bad ex, do remember that friendship is border-less...move on...love your enemy...even if you don't like the new partner, you don't have to criticize...you just have to accept that he/she is no longer your gf/bf and hope the best for them...

the reason why i wrote this because my ex and i are really good friends...we're broke up last year, continue our friendship and still going strong...we still contact each other thru phone or fb...and we still seeing each other as friends...laugh as friends...share things as friends...and he even know that i'm with someone else now...and i also knew every affairs he have...:D....btw, my new partner, contrast to us...they have their own history and i wish not to tell...but, i do wish to tell to his ex that he is moving on...past is past...so deal with it...be his friend...and hope the best for him...cheers...

video games...lana del rey...love...addicted...

have nothing much to say...the title do the talking...

enjoy :D

10 things i love about him...

currently, im thinking about the reasons why i love him...

1. i love his smile...

2. i love his 'huh?' eyes...

3. i love his craziness before 7pm (but sometimes 7pm onward)...

4. i love to watch him sing...

5. i love when he wears his blue shirt...

6. i love when he told me that my name in his mother tongue means take, so when i put my name before his name, it will mean take her...

7. i love his honesty...

8. i love when he told me how he checked his phone while working by slide left and right to see my pic (as his wallpaper) as if im moving...

9. i love the way he drive his car...

10. i love to write more about him and not just 10 bcoz i truly love him...

oh gosh...punya lama...again...

today is 2nd june...18th april -->> my last post...almost 2months i went on silent mode...

millions normal-life-changing-experience had happened within that period...

and as a student i dont have time to write all about it (here), i only wrote it on my diary...

once my final exam ended, i will be here posting...

cewah...macam ja sy rajin ni...skali tgk kn another 2 silent months...hehe...palis2 jau2...sy mau rajin ni knn...

ba out lu first, later will come back...with stories....c ya...

Komen ikhlas ku dgn zed zaidi…

Aku tau la dia x akn baca blog ku ni…apa la sgt blog aku ni kn dgn blog bloggers yg blog-ganza tu…

Tp ni komen ikhlas aku utk zed zaidi and aaron aziz…

Nak di mulakan crita aku tau zed zaidi ni pun dr dramanya sembilu dlu tu (if x silap la)…while aaron ni dr filem ombak rindu a.k.a my fav malay novel…

N nak di tambahkn crita, aku tak tau asal usul stiap artis antarabangsa apa lg artis tempatan…asal aku tau dia penyanyi @ pelakon ckup sdh bg aku utk minat dorg…

N aku nak tambah sos tiram lg…aku pun xtau entry requirement (cewah mcm mau msuk U pla) utk jd artis fofular berita harian…yg ku tau pembaca yg vote…

Bla aaron aziz menang dtg la pla isu zed zaidi x skong artis luar…

Btul la jua apa dia ckp..yg dia x tduh aaron aziz…x nama sepa2 pun dlm statement zed zaidi d twitternya…cma dia post x sokong artis luar…

Artis luar tu sgt la umum…artis luar ni blh jd sepa2…tp malangnya pemenang mlm tu sume pun rakyat Malaysia yg punya ic Malaysia kecuali aaron aziz…wahai zed zaidi pembaca x bodoh ye utk tangkap sepa artis luar yg ko x sokong tu…

Bla org2 komen d murai.com.my n sokong kenyataan zed zaidi, mmg ada btulnya jua Malaysia utk rakyat Malaysia…bila lg artis Malaysia dinaiktarafkan sebagai artis fofular berita harian…n byk jua yg skong shaheizy sam @ fizz fairuz yg menang…

tp e2 pilihan masing2…bebas mengundi mah hehe

tp yg salahnya c zed zaidi ni, dia x perlu la mau hentam “sy x sokong artis luar” d laman social…knapa x trus jmpa dgn pihak brita harian n propose utk bt 1 award khas utk artis international? Mcm tu kah cara sorg timbalan mau membela nasib artis tempatan? Mestika timbul kn isu/perang laman social utk mendapat perhatian/publisiti Malaysian?

Bila sdh ada jawatan, pemegang jawatan tu x perlu la mau tunjuk kekuasaan jawatan…c pemegang jawatan ada nama utk dijaga…x salah if pilih jln senyap dan baik…asal x dibenci…asal x isu yg akn diingat spanjang hayat…

Jangan ikt kata hati…tgk apa jd skrg, memandangkn nada nma dlm statementnya nma artis2 len pla yg msuk…m.nasir , hetty, ramli sarip etc…lpas tu org pandang zed zaidi jealous dgn aaron aziz la, zed zaidi ska bt kecoh la (macam Malaysia mak bapak dia punya)….2la sepa suruh ko buat mcm tu…bgus sgt la tu ko bt mcm tu kan…x fikir kesan sampingan...tgk apa jd?

Tp kn, c aaron aziz ni, dia sdh bt untung brapa byk dgn pengarah/producer Malaysia? Ckup sdh ka smpai mau cakap dia x layak menang? If cukup sudah duit tu, suru la dia blik spore keja ofis…n jan ambil dia blakon dlm filem Malaysia…

Jahat kot org fikir mcm tu…dia da la bt untung byk…org nmpk dia ja ingat hariz…bukan femes ka namanya tu? So slhkah if hariz menang title artis fofular? Bg la can dia menang tahun ni…thun dpn bg zed zaidi pla…biarla dia pla menang anugerah timbalan terhebat thun dpn…senyap kot dewan haha…

N thun dpn x pyh bg msuk nama aaron aziz biar peminatnya ja yg tau btapa femesnya aaron aziz d ht dorg…award x penting kot yg penting bt keja poket bduit n family ckup makan pakai, habis crita…

Btw, mmg la aaron aziz tu hensem…if korg ckp dia dpt undi sbb hensem, sepa2 pun akn lihat org len dr mata trun ke ht…if senang d mata senang la d ht…if x senang d mata mmg knfm la x senang d ht…aku mengaku aku minat org if dia hensem/cntik…sepa x mgaku bdosa hahahhaha..x ba…tnya la diri kmu sndri k…

Apa2 pun, peace y’all…

welcoming saturday....waiting sunday....

its almost 2 am here in KK...and i cant sleep due to +++10 cups of coffee within 9hrs ago...im not planning to stay up to do my assignment or whatever..but i just LLOOVVEE coffee....people say that coffee 'leech-ing' your calcium out from your bones...but u can buy/drink Anlene to refill your lost calcium, right?...so there's no need for me to quit my coffee...yeehaa....<3

for all Christians, today is officially Easter's Eve....and im waiting for Easter since weeks ago...and now, Easter is less than 24hrs...and im extremely happy...:)

the reason why im waiting for Easter to come is ---->>>> my family's egg decoration + egg hunting activities....

i never decorate/colored an egg before...because those activities are for my nieces and my nephews...but mostly their moms are the one who deco the eggs...

me?? well, im just be the cheerleader/photographer/adlin aman ramli (give good/bad comments like him)....since i dont have any kids....yet....

so, im pretty excited about those activities that come once a year...

p/s: this year, i might help some of my nieces/nephews in decorating their eggs...cant wait...cant wait...

dari Wasaber to Wasaber.....

ni c geng fadzmie yg tag ku dgn solan2 nya yg kalah2 solan final exam...so its my turn la knn mau jwb...

dgn jujurnya ni la jawapan ku ah...

1) apa sebab kamurang bikin blog?
---->> sy lupa sdh knpa sy mau bikin blog dlu oo...tp yg pentg sy sja2 ja ba ni bikin blog...mgkn jua kn sbb ikt2 kwn ni, kwn ada blog so sy pun mau ada knn...

2) kalau kamurang disuruh pilih antara jadi jutawan tapi ada penyakit kronik, ataupun jadi miskin tapi sihat walafiat, yang mana satu kamurang pilih? kenapa?
---->>ayo geng, susah ooo mau jwb ni...dua2 ada pros n cons...sy mmg mau pilih jutawan tp ada penyakit kronik...tu penyakit knfm blh sembuh/kureng skit if gna duit bikin blanja hosp kn...tp sy x sanggup mau hdup kaya if ada penyakit kronik, coz sma jua sy x blh enjoy semua duit sy if duduk ja d hosp kna drip la ada test la msa mkn ubat la pantang2 la...so.sy rela sy miskin tapi sihat coz bg sy duit blh cari...tp kesihatan yg tip-top mmg susah...so sy sacrifice la oh breakfast at tiffany's, lunch in paris, dinner in new zealand, sleep in mauritius coz esok sy keja mau cari duit...hahaha

3) apa impian jangka pendek kamurang? sudah tercapai ka belum?
---->> really mau tau apa impian jangka pendek sy?? well, sy mau beli ba dvds fav drama series sy and sy mau tengok smpi sy nangis2 sdh mau tahan mengantuk...asl jlan p mn2 kn, terlimpas kedai cd kn sexi tu dvds memanggil ni...afen, buy me..afen, im so sexy u wanna taste me?? damn....i really cant resist that temptation...ada certain series sy sdh secretly beli, while certain series ni i'd rather chop my hands coz sy x blh tahan tp sy kena tahan coz sy x masa mau tgk with my hectic students life...huhu...so in conclusion, not that tercapai la impian jangka pendek ni...

4) siapa sifu kamurang dalam berblogging ni? kenapa dia?
---->> honest aku bgtau sni yg aku nda tau sepa sifu sy in blogging...too many for me to pick one...for me kn, every other bloggers are sifus...compare ja blog kamurang dgn blog sy yg ndu ba kesian...

5) kalau ditakdirkan blog kamurang kena hack, apa yang kamurang buat? buat blog baru ataupun terus berhenti berblogging?
---->> klu kna hack, sy bt lg blog baru...tp ni klu sy bt yg blog-buster baru la ada lwan....hehehe

so ni la Q n A...ikhlas ni geng...hehe

kna suru lg knn tag wasabers len, fikir punya fikir kn blh ka sy kc kena blik c fadzmie tu ah?

soalan sy kn:

1) merah @ hitam? kenapa?
2) klu kmu ada pluang msuk dlm world record, kmu pilih rekod apa knn?
3) klu kmu jd vampire la knn kn apa power yg kmu mau? 1 ja ah x blh lbh?
4) org slalu ckp 'bru pdan muka ko', sy bru ja ckp td dlm hti...kmu last ckp mcm tu bla?
5) org ckp apa2 yg kita benci bermakna kta syg...aku benci wyg indon, tp klu ni bmksd syg, then aku 'syg' wyg indon...kmu pla benci apa?? jg syg tu hehe...

ni la org2 yg sy tag....fadzmie, si aki, akemi

the firm....

OMG...i dont know how to express my lurve to this series...i love it...i love it...i love it...

the 1st reason why i love this series is:
----->>> Josh Lucas...one of my fav movie is sweet home alabama...i truly in love with the hero (jake), and madly in love with how he handle his wife (melanie), and deeply in love with him (jake) now since he is mitch mcdeere in The Firm.....and he is Josh Lucas...he's so handsome...i like his smile..his eyes...damn, im melting...hahahahaha (if my mom read this, she will laughing at me as if tomorrow never comes....).....oh shit, i cant stop thinking bout him....

next.....(while controling myself not to picture him haha)

the 2nd reason is:
----->> the story line...its complicated, clever, almost like prison break, full with problems, secretly back-stabbing partners...the 'clean' romance...and it will leave the audience wanting more when the episode ended...and i honestly cant wait for the next episode everytime i watched it...i keep on guessing as if im him....hahhahaahha

i want to buy the complete dvds of the firm...coz i cant wait for it...but, as a student, i told myself not to buy coz i know it will consume a lot of my time since i will watch it back2back...and will forget bout priorities...and i hate that...i also extremely hate waiting but for the time being, its the best for me...sigh...

perangai ku ke? nta la labu....

J: if ko da knl sy lma, bru ko akn tau mcmn prangai sy..
Me: oh ok..jd knn prangai sy ko tau la?
J: tau ba skit2...
Me: (dgn yakinnya) apa la yg ko tau knn?
J: 1. kaki paksa....2. cpt merajuk...3. mesti mau dpt sume yg kna minta...4. if x dpt, suka mau bt muka...
Me: lg?
J: bt msa ni tu ja dlu...
Me: nah ketara la list hbs sdh...
J: oh ada lg...manja...

bunyi mcm prangai sy teruk ja kn...coz sume pun mcm yg negatif ja ni nada pun yg positif...tp tepala, next time aku tnya lg apa prangai positif aku knn (kembang la knn if ada nti)...

muka c kaki merajuk...lol

aku hidup untuk diri sendiri...

this past few days kn, i knew other people's opinions about me...most of the time, im a positive thinker...so, words spoken will never affect me...but this time, gosh, it really hurts me A LOT....i cant really describe me how much it pains me...but, i just stayed positive and assumed that they have no clue whatsoever about things that happened to me...

well, my forever best-est best friend is my mom...she knew everything about me...we are so damn close...i almost cry when we talked about this bullshit...

i dont really care what others might think of me...because i live for me not for them...whatever decisions i made or will make is basically for my own good...

did they ever consider about me when they made decisions in their life before? obviously, NO...

do they will think of me as part of their decisions next? obviously, NO...

because they are who they are...they live for themselves...they made decisions for their own good...and any problems they encountered stayed in their freaking mind until they find the perfect solutions...

and thats what happened to me too...FYI, it happens all the time...who said life isnt about ups and downs? those who didnt experienced the wheel of life, are not human...

i do have my own problems...lots of it...some i found the perfect solutions...some i found so-so solutions...while some i cant even think of any way out...oh not to mention the pending problems...gosh...

im studying not working...so, obviously money is the major problem...i knew it will be my problem since i studied in matric...thus, i learned how to control my money flow...i seldom asked money from anyone mostly my family unless if i really needed it...i seldom asked my family to buy me things unless if they offered then i will say yes...my money source is my parents...i know how much my dad's monthly income...i know how much will my dad pay for utilities each month...and i know how much money left...and i do know how much will i get from it...

i do really sorry for my parents...i feel like im leech-ing their money out...i always wanted to stop my parents from giving me money...but, they will always give...if they asked me if i still have enough money, sometimes i did lied to them, and said i have enough...but inside my purse, its lesser than enough...

after the conversation with my mom, i think of quitting uni...i can always apply back to study...and will look for a job to please everyone...and for the first time, my motto of "live for my own" is useless...how can i study happily and peacefully if im the leech? 

if i have kids one day, i will always support them if they want to further their study...thats what my parents did to me and thats what i will do...i know my mom wanted me to further my study, but i cant because others might not like it...its not easy to please everyone...but for the time being, quitting is the best way out...cause i dont wanna be the leech in anybody's eyes...

huh? suka bawa payung?

yeah...aku obses bw payung...i cant leave my house without it...and i dont know why...

everytime i went out, i will always considering - to bring or not to bring...but, sure u know the answer...

serius, aku benci...

aku ada sorg kwn ni...knl nta dr thun bila...dia kazen with my best buddy...dr awl kmi knl, dia mmg tau sy ada special someone...till one day, i told him la yg im currently single, since he asked me if im still with his cousin or not...

but before he asked me that, he always said that he likes me...he always asked if i will be his gf one day...and as always my answer will be no, not now...

since i knew him, i never asked anything about his current/past relationship...coz for me kn, sbagai kwn x perlu la mau tau...mcm busy body pla...

but he always call me syg eventho im not his syg...sy x kesa if dia mau pgl sy syg...coz i just assume syg is my new nickname instead of afen...

from the first time, i gave him my number, i was like not wanting/expecting his call/text...i gave him my dg, so i left my dg phone in my bedroom, always...but after a few days, few phone calls and few texts from him, i decided to reply all, its been ages since i last reload my dg so i used my celcom...but actually kn, sy x suka ba mau reply or talk with any guy..tp rsa bsalah punya pasal sy reply all msgs tmasuk la msgs yg sy x reply dulu2 x kira sepa sendernya...

recently, after weeks of silence between the two of us, i decided to give him a call...as always im syg...he asked me again if i would love to be his gf...and as always i said no, not now...

lg 1 benda aku x ska is aku x ska mau cek fb org...apa lg mau bca latest status updates...but yesterday, i was 'told' to check his fb...so i checked la...guess what i found in his timeline..earlier feb 2012, twice ah he puts married to _________...and just days before i called him, he changed from married to single...

his latest posts kn mainly about a guy and a cheating girl...1 postnya he mention yg llki n ppuan tu da bbek n da blik together n happy with a child...so i asked him why...dgn kerasnya lg sy tnya dia...

finally dia mgaku...mmg dia setia dgn ppuan tu slama ni...tp ppuan tu curang dgn dia...and i was like, wow, pndi ko tipu sy slama ni ya...and he said "sy mmg ska ko"...nsb bek sy cma agp dia kwn...

then sy msg la dia, "sburuk2 mn pun prangai ppuan tu, if ko mmg syg dgn dia dr dlu, ko patutnya cri jln utk bbek dgn dia...bkn p cri ppuan len utk mlupakn prob...if ko cri ppuan len e2 hanya tmbhkn prob..."

serius aku benci llaki mcm ni...mmg la ht sakit if gf/bf curang...tp jan la gunakan ppuan/llki len utk mlupakan the cheating gf/bf...some cases kn mmg la bkesan cra rebound ni...tp what if the cheating gf/bf wanna us back? ko tau ko mmg ska the cheating gf/bf n ko gna kn ppuan/llki bru, for sure yg bru ko lpaskn kn...e2 la reason why ppl x akn cri bf/gf bru in blink of an eye due to hope...hope that they will be together again...kta sure mharap mcm tu sbb kta tbesa dgn "let loose of someone that u love, if he/she comes back, then he/she is yours to keep"...unless if llki tu mmg ska dgn yg bru then tu len crita la knn...haha

tp yg ppuan ni pun 1...bfnya c A dia curang dgn c B dia break dgn c B dia blik dgn c A then dia curang lg dgn c C...omigod...aku serius benci jua dgn ppuan mcm ni...mcmn la llki akn ska ppuan if llki sndri pun tkt dgn possibility ppuan curang...last2 dpt llki yg curang dan bknnya llki bek...ppuan ni hrus rasa bruntung coz c A mc ska n setia dgn dia...tp org kata setia ni ada had limit...n if dorg ada baby, aku hope sgt2 yg dorg akn blik n setia n happy together for the sake of the baby...

n me? im 23, still young...n i dont wanna have any bf...coz i still wanna enjoy my commitment-free life...

btw, he just called me...he said pls dun get mad...so i just said, sy x mrh, sy cma x mau tmbh masalah...sekian....

6th sense...mati

pena ka kmu tba2 trasa/tfikir mcmn kta mati one day? mcmn kta hembuskn nafas terakhir? sakitkah? trus p mana la kita if kita sdh mati nnti? kta mc bnafas ka tu ya bla kita sdh jd roh? etc...

sy paling x suka if sy suddenly tfikir mcm ni...i cant sleep n sy blh nangis...

klu sudah jd mcm ni kn, knfm sy akn tell myself to not think more bout it or i force myself to forget it or i switch on my laptop n pretend to watch movie or hear songs loudly...

bkn sbb sy takut mau mati...tp mati kn benda paling confirm dlm dunia...so no need to be afraid of, right...

tp, yg bt sy x ska is i know that there is someone in family that will pass away...n i dont know how i know this, that i cant tell anybody about it before it really happened...

sy tau some of u kn knfm la ba pena rasa/fikir mcm ni kn..bad feelings bout something...

but, i realized this since i was a kid...back in tawau when i was 7@8 yrs old...tp waktu tu sy x nangis la coz budak2 otak mc d lutut...mn la fkir benda len kcuali main main n main...

waktu tu sy fikir psl mati...n i was so afraid...then a few days later, my dad's bestfriend kn pass away...

at first, sy x la pduli lgsg....tp bla sdh bsar2 sdh kn, makin mjadi ni...byk sdh org yg pass away after each kejadian...my uncles, my aunties, my cousins...

recently, last week...it happened again...then my aunty pass away the next day...

few yrs ago, my mama tua (my mom's sister) punya cucu kn tunang ba di tawau...so kmi decided mau konvoi la ni gna kreta from kk to tawau...my parents dorg mau p...sy x mau lgsg ikt dorg p tawau coz bkn jua close sgt kn sy dgn my own cousins semua...tp nta sepa yg send msg p otak sy n bgtau sy utk join konvoi tu to save my parents...meaning, if sy follow them, then my mom n my dad will safe...tp kmi x sma kreta...my dad len, my mom len, n sy len...tp sy x risau, as long as sy ikt, then dorg akn slamat...the 2nd reason why i join is that person also told me that there will be an accident...sume kreta ada possibility to be in that accident minus the 3 cars who brought my mom, my dad n i...so, left 2 cars...50-50 chance la dorg...so on the way back kn, btul2 la ada accident, dorg masuk parit...sume slamat la, cuma lebam2 n kemik skit ja kreta...

bkn bad things ja la yg sy blh tau...any other things pun...contoh, msa sy d mtrk kn, sy mandi...tba2 tfikir sony ericsson...punya sy pelik...nta knapa tba2 sy tfikir psl tu..tp mlmnya, my roomate blik dr jmpa org...org yg dia jmpa tu bg dia hp sony...

msa exam spm...paper english...days before the exam kn tba2 sy kna bgtau psl apa yg kluar part literature...jd sy pun bca tu ja la...coz sy trust my own instinct...msa exam day, btul2 kluar...sy pun happy la coz sy sdh hafal hehe...tp part exam ni sy sure bkn sy sorg ja pena org len pun...hahaha

apa2 pun, sy still rsa takut if benda mati tu dtang lg...coz sy tau what will come next...cma sepa ja yg sy x tau...in case sy huish lg la aku tkt...

My Precious Valentine...with dad...

it wasnt a day with my boyfriend....but it was a day that my father was discharged from hospital...and it was the blessed day ever..

sat, 11 feb 2012..
at first, i blamed myself for not checking my father thoroughly...i just knocked the door, switched on the light, and asked my father if he wants to eat or not...i thought my father was sleeping...but he wasnt...

he was cold, shaking, sweating, and unconscious...i have no idea how long he was in that conditions..a minute, an hour, or maybe more...i was scared and panicked...not sure what to do, i texted my sister and called my mom...i was actually crying for a minute in my room before i decided to text, to call and to go downstair to tell my other sister...

i cant handled that kind of situation...i will be crying inside while shaking on the outside...i was full with guilt...

when we were in the hospital, waiting patiently outside the emergency room, families keep asking me, why i didnt waking up my dad earlier...i did...but my assumption was wrong...

the doctor told us that my father's sugar level was low...dangerously low...1.9...he could die...so he stayed in the hospital for 4 days...dripped with sugar...

my father's sugar count can increase/decrease like bullet train fast or snail slow...and it was pretty scary...coz we have to maintain the sugar...so that it not fall to dangerously low or fly up to diabetic high...it was easy in the hospital since they have their sugar indicator (not sure whats its name)...but its really hard now since my dad already checked out from the hospital-hotel...

so, we have to make sure that my dad have enough sugar everyday...thats mean, eating sweets....and eating on time...no more skipping meals...

i wish that after this experience, no more drop dead sugar incident...i want my parents to be A ok...

btw, i love to celebrate valentine's day...even if some people said that it shouldnt be celebrated...since love can be celebrate each and everyday...but for me, YES we can celebrate and cherish our love everyday, we can buy flowers, chocolates or presents everyday...but valentines day is known as love's day...no matter what history behind it, but its a LOVE's DAY....its a day to express love, to share love and to be with love out of jealousy (sy mengaku sy jeles nmpk kwn dpt bunga bln may padahal bukan valentines day coz sy pun mau 1...so bgus lg bg sma2 dgn kwn msa valentines day so no envy girl hehe...)....

so, apa2 pun yg other people ckp psl valentines day, i tak kesa...sy mau jua celebrate valentines day the way i want to celebrate it...valentines day not strictly to christians only...its for all...same goes to friendship day...why you wanna celebrate friendship more than love?? is friendship for all while love for christian?? if people still wanna categorized non-living things as christian or non-christian, go ahead...my advice for christians out there - we stand what we stand, hold tight, remain silent, and dont join anger..my advice for non-christian out there who want to plot anything against christian - as malaysians, you should know that Islam and AGONG are two issues that shouldnt be touched, your religion is secured now and forever, then why bother others?

its feb = love....i love u...u love me??

its february...its cupid...its love....so, i want to post anything that relate to love...from now till the end of this month...boring??? i tak kesa...

so now, im officially switching on my love mode...jubii...

i knew that nobody's perfect...but, im kinda perfectionist...well, for sure, i cant be perfect, but, i can try to be one...and people say, human will make mistakes from the beginning of their live till they turn to stony cold 6ft under...but that doesnt mean that we as human are OK to make mistakes...NEVER...but, we as human are OK to prevent doing any mistakes...and THATS perfection...

when it comes to feb = love, people will automatically think feb = love among couples, relationship men and women, husbands and wives,  etc...and when it comes to mistake, these relationships are the magnet of it...

after a 'break-up' 3yrs ago (well, not exactly a break-up, but he left me for another girl, and yet, they are no longer together as i wrote this post), i realized that i should buy books...books about relationship...books about love...books about long-lasting relationship...ada ka???

as a student, i had trained myself to follow rules or steps...especially in lab, i must follow the steps and prevent any possible errors...so, i neeeeeeeed those books to help me....to guide me to a better me...in relationship...for me, it sounds really desperate (at first)...but since im a perfectionist, i am desperate enough to learn...to learn whats the best for me and for my future partner...because break-up is SUXXXXXZ....

so my first book about relationship is "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" by John Gray...(promote jap...) if u want to buy any books about relationship, do buy this book first and foremost...why?? because u have to understand your man and yourself first...this book teach u how to understand your man (for girls' case)...and this book also teach u that all the differences your former gf/bf said bout u or vice versa, can be treated/prevented with understanding among the sexes...so this book is really all-in-one...

The primary love needs of women and men:
a) women need to receive: 1.caring, 2. understanding, 3.respect, 4.devotion, 5.validation, 6.reassurance...


b) men need to receive: 1.trust, 2.acceptance, 3.appreciation, 4.admiration, 5.approval, 6.encouragement...


*so, give those to ur partner...


The biggest different between mars and venus:
- men pull back and then get close, while women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others...
- meaning: men always back and forth from the natural him to the silent him...natural: ladies...have fun with him...silent: ladies...go and find your girl-friend for chat...while ladies' rise-and-fall: gents, understand ur lady...
- conclusion: gents understand the ladies, the ladies set the gents free to silent mode...


through this book, i realized that the cant-stop-talking routine of mine, was the biggest mistake i ever made in my past relationship...it really showed me that i am not fully understand him as a man...i am not aware when he pulled back...and when i should shut my f-ing mouth...and now i knew, i hope that i can detect the pull-back and practice to zip up my kissable mouth in my current/future relationship...

this is for u....

2009....

we talked...we text-ed...we met...

i love...u love...us...

2010...

rocky...windy...teary...

i love...u loved...us...her

2011...

arguing...pretending...crying...

i loved...u loved...us...

but...

considering...caring...surviving...

i love...u love..us...friend...

2012...

shocking...shocking...crying...

i love...u love...us...hope...

now...

i miss...u miss?

i love...u love?

i have loved u for a thousand years, and i will love you for thousands more...

and i wont let you be the one that got away...

5am...27 jan 2012...unique...

"Almost Here"

(feat. Delta Goodrem)

Did I hear you right

'Cause I thought you said

Let's think it over

You have been my life

And I never planned

Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light

Where a love once shined so bright

Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight

Love's not always black and white

Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world

If I had a chance

Oh won't you let me 

Treat me like a child

Throw your arms around me

Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered how it hurts

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you

You're almost here

And I know that's 

Not enough

But when I'm with you

I'm close to tears

'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words

Dazed and shattered now it hurts 

Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here

(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)

And when I hold you, you're almost here

(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)

(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears

'Cause I know I'm almost here)

Only almost here

i cant sleep......i keep on repeating this song for almost 2 hours now...no reason for that actually...but it reminds me of someone...someone that i cant even reach...so, i back to writing...as it will ease me...

im sorry, coz im different...i like/love things that are unique...unique when compare within my family...that someone is unique...the uniqueness makes me likes him...

and...makes me wanna find someone with the same uniqueness as him...he's almost here, but still, i cant reach him...

i will never wish that he's mine someday....never...my only wish is to see him again...

just, to see him again...

i know i will meet him again...i have faith in that...and will always have...

he's a friend...and he's dear to me...

the vampire diaries: the awakening...

im not sure when actually...either raya 2011 or raya 2010...but im kinda sure that it was raya 2010...coz last year's raya i wasnt that active 'jalan2'....

as i typed this, i was thinking for a few minutes...and this time, i am pretty confident that it was raya 2010....

and yes, it was 2010 (based on a few memories)...that i bought my Vampire Diaries books (set of four)....

and, up until now, 22nd January 2012, i havent read those books...i repeat, i havent read those books after 1.5 years ago...

since im on holiday now, i cleaned up my room...i found things that i forgot i owned...i found shirts/dresses/leggings with tags still intact (for sure, i never wore them)....i found unopened letters....i found shoes still in their box...i found books i never read....i even found books still covered with plastic....i found my curler (i thought i lost it)....and i found many other things...and i was like "ooooohhhh, wooow...lamanya aku cari benda ni..."...well, i have to admit that i love to buy things, quite a hoarder, and easy to forget??? hhhhmmmm maybe...

so back to vampire diaries...

since im on holiday, i have plenty of time to read...yes, i want to read it...i will read it...and i wont stop...but i will pause sometimes...

september 4

dear diary,

something awful is going to happen today.

i dont know why i wrote that. its crazy. theres no reason for me to be upset and every reason for me to be happy, but...

but here i am at 5.30 in the morning, awake and scared. i keep telling myself its just that im all messed up from the time difference between France and here. but that doesnt explain why i feel so scared. so lost.

the day before yesterday, while aunt judith and margaret and i were driving back from the airport, i had such a strange feelings. when we turned onto our street i suddenly thought, "Mom and Dad are waiting for us at home. i bet they'll be on the front porch or in the living room looking out the window. they must have missed me so much."

i know. that sounds totally crazy.

but even when i saw the house and the empty front porch i still felt that way. i ran up the steps and i tried the door and knocked with the knocker. and when aunt judith unlocked the door i burst inside and just stood in the hallway listening, expecting to hear mom coming down the stairs or dad calling from the den.

just then aunt judith let a suitcase crash down on the floor behind me and sighed a huge sigh and said "we're home." and margaret laughed. and the most horrible feeling i've ever felt in my life came over me. i've never felt so utterly and completely lost.

home. im home. why does that sound like a lie?

i was born here in Fell's Church. ive always lived in this house, always. this is my same old bedroom, with the scorch mark on the floorboards where caroline and i tried to sneak cigarettes in 5th grade and nearly choked ourselves. i can look out the window and see the big quince tree matt and the guys climbed up to crash my birthday slumber party two years ago. this is my bed, my chair, my dresser.

but right now everything looks strange to me, as if i dont belong here.its me thats out of place. and the worst thing is that i feel there's somewhere i do belong, but i just cant find it.

i was too tired yesterday to go to orientation, meredith picked up my schedule for me, but i didnt feel like talking to her on the phone. aunt judith told everyone who called that i had jet lag and was sleeping, but she watched me at dinner with a funny look on her face.

ive got to see the crowd today, though. we're supposed to meet in the parking lot before school. is that why im scared? am i frightened of them?

Elena Gilbert stopped writing.........................................

ok...i want to cont my reading...ciao...

the purpose of my life...

life, is not always rainbows and butterflies...
rainbow pun bkn hr2 ada kn...and butterfly pun bkn hr2 kta nmpk...

i sometimes wondered whats the purpose of life...

a) to stay alive? --- yeah probably...but why some people consume cigarette or drug and we secondary smokers have to inhale the smoke?

b) to get a better life? --- can u help me define better life? is it the same with dead-free or cancer-free?

but for me, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

i hereby admit that, i, tiffany anthony, shutting off my 'thankful' DNA all the time...

i did say thank you to those who help me...

but i didnt say thank you to myself in every changes i made...unfortunately, there is none...

thats why, the purpose of my life is to learn to be thankful...

be thankful to God cause i still breath today...

be thankful to parents cause im here today...

be thankful to my teacher/lecturer cause i learnt a lot from them...

if only i realized this long time ago, i would never mad to my parents...i would never escaped any classes..and i would never sleep on God's day (sunday) when i supposed to be in the church...

well, thats my fault...since i live in a worldly area, thus, i focused on worldly stuff...

so from now on, im taking a bachelor degree on thankful...and to be graduated soon....

exam.....................the end.........

exam da hbis...

should i say more??

yeah....

its freedom...

and now im officially on holiday for about 7 weeks...and yeah, i did make some plans...risky plans...and yet i will pursue it (no matter what...heheh)....

all i can think is - EUROPE.....

why europe??? hhhmmmm i dont know...hehe just wait and see....

ye....exam....di awl thun...

exam di awal tahun...damn...aku x suka la...aku masih dalam mood cuti2 new year...huhu...

hakikatnya, aku kena la jua terima...if U aku yang punya sure aku rombak ikut suka hati aku...

study week?? 23 dec 2011 - 2 jan 2012...tym ni la kebaboom sana kebaboom sini...party sana party sini...

aku??

sure la aku di Chamber of Secret aku...dalam bilik...study...lagu kena full blast coz tidak mahu terganggu suara2 luar yang memanggil "afen, main wayang da...." @ "afen, turun la ko....." @ "afen, tia payah la ko study lagi tu ko turun dlu ba teman kami d bawah..."......

hp?? silent mode...24/7...tia mau kena ganggu konon...ceh hipokrit kan...padahal, asal berlampu ja pi tengok ni...hahaha...ish tidak la aku macam tu...aku tapuk ba bawah bantal...hahaha lol...

25dec n 1jan aku cuti study...x mau study langsung...coz aku mau enjoy the day...actually 24dec and 31dec pun aku cuti half day....

then, exam week pun sampai...macam mana bencinya aku dengan exam week ni, dia datang la jua ba...kemarin (5jan) 1st paper aku....hr ni pla, 2nd paper...esok nada...thank god...tapi sambung lagi next week..rabu, khamis and jumaat...ye ye...after jumat aku freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom....

banyak student akan cakap "alamak matilah, aku belum study lagi.....".....jan la kamu percaya ni...dorang la orang2 yang paling lama study tu.....so mengaku ja ba if study kn...hehehe...

apa2 pun, aku ni singgah sekejap ja...coz cinema tu da memanggil aku...afen...afen....afen...macam taik ni...

bye, geng...

My New Year's Resolution(s)....hahaha azam la mengkali kan...:)

here goes the truth - No Resolution is better than have 1.....

i dont know how many of u will agree with this LOL statement...but me, i am 200% agree with it...

why??????

mai i crite k...

i admit, i had my own new year's resolutions...i wrote it down...and i even pasted it on my bedroom wall...12 months later, i realized that i totally forgot all about it...when i read it back, damn i cant stop laughing...hahaha...back in 2009, one of my new year's resolution was to buy three piggy banks and fill it with coins within a year...i did bought three transparent piggy banks (purple red and pink)...and now 2012, after 3 beautiful years passed by, i looked back to my new year's resolutions wall, and looked at my three piggy banks...one and a half full...omg....1.5 within 3 years afen?? i must be joking right?? damn, i dont know what happened to me...i lost my new year's spirit...sigh...

i wish i can tell you my collections of new year's resolutions...in which mostly unfulfilled...hahhaha...but im pretty damn shy...lol...

but i came up with a conclusion...

we usually made new year's resolutions about things that we like to do/own but ended up doing nothing...for example, the piggy banks...after 3 years, i still didnt fulfilled my 2009 resolution...(what a shame)...so why dont we/i made a crazy insane 2012 resolutions, right??

your simple mimple resolutions cant be fulfilled by you or us because it was tooooo damn easy to achieve while we are toooooo damn lazy to make it true...so why not we or i try the crazy insane resolution plan??

try ja la kan, saya buat tp jd @ x, i dont care, coz sy tau its crazy insane resolution...just for fun then hehe...tp if jd la kn i will be the luckiest girl in the world...hahhahaha...

my crazy insane 2012 resolutions are:

1) sing Christina Perry - A Thousand Years to a guy i love...
"i have died everyday waiting for you, darling dont be afraid i have loved you, for a thousand years, i love you for a thousand more....and all along i believe i would find you, time has brought your heart to me, i have loved you for a thousand years, i love you for a thousand more..."
(percentage of impossibility = 99.9%)

2) around the world in 199 days...
hahah percentage of impossibility = 20000000000000%

3) getting serious with a guy...
hhhhhmmmm percentage of impossibility = 90%

4) go to swi
percentage of impossibility = 100%...i could find a time for it...

5) hehehe i know this one is not crazy...but i want to buy another 3 piggy banks and fill it with coins within this year...so, overall i have 4.5 piggy banks to feed...percentage of impossibility = 150% since 1.5 = 3 years, then 4.5 = 9 years...damn...totally impossible...

so, whatever the resolutions are whether its crazy or simple, make it work (dedicated to me...)...even if its take a thousand years to achieve...haha...

2009 if skrg 2012 knfm da penuh wall tu...

yeah....its a new year...huh?? siram air?

when the clock strikes 12am every 1st Jan, everybody will shout "Happy New Year"... but not my family...

well, we have this unique tradition since ages ago...that is - MAIN AIR....well, it is for kids only...the adults?? for parents - waiting for their kids...while me?? apa lagi tukang siram loooo.....hehe

if anak buah da basah, aku yang jadi tukang siram ni memang sure la basah jua...tapi sikit je la...

so last nite, as every other new year, this tradition is a must...and we did it again...

we're living in a housing area...with neighbours around...and so, with our new-year-must-do, and with the huge laughs from the parents and me, plus the shouting (yeah-yeah-ing....auw-auw-ing) from my nieces and nephews, we created a massive disharmony choir in the neighbourhood...

do we care what others might think?? hell-2-d-no...its new year, remember?? hehe...

a year had passed since we celebrated the coming of 2011...and its now a day passed of new year's day...we have hundreds more days to face, thousands of things to do, and millions of possibilities ahead before we celebrate the coming of 2013...

i sincerely hope that everything in between u (and me) and the next new year, will be fabulous...and as my friend said "life without problem is boring..", so enjoy your problem, and do remember that problem solve someday...

p/s Happy New Year, reader...ooohhh btw, can u count how many times i used the word so?? seems like, i have vocab problem..hhhmmm i have to study new words then...

ciao,

with love,
afenefa