serius, aku benci...

aku ada sorg kwn ni...knl nta dr thun bila...dia kazen with my best buddy...dr awl kmi knl, dia mmg tau sy ada special someone...till one day, i told him la yg im currently single, since he asked me if im still with his cousin or not...

but before he asked me that, he always said that he likes me...he always asked if i will be his gf one day...and as always my answer will be no, not now...

since i knew him, i never asked anything about his current/past relationship...coz for me kn, sbagai kwn x perlu la mau tau...mcm busy body pla...

but he always call me syg eventho im not his syg...sy x kesa if dia mau pgl sy syg...coz i just assume syg is my new nickname instead of afen...

from the first time, i gave him my number, i was like not wanting/expecting his call/text...i gave him my dg, so i left my dg phone in my bedroom, always...but after a few days, few phone calls and few texts from him, i decided to reply all, its been ages since i last reload my dg so i used my celcom...but actually kn, sy x suka ba mau reply or talk with any guy..tp rsa bsalah punya pasal sy reply all msgs tmasuk la msgs yg sy x reply dulu2 x kira sepa sendernya...

recently, after weeks of silence between the two of us, i decided to give him a call...as always im syg...he asked me again if i would love to be his gf...and as always i said no, not now...

lg 1 benda aku x ska is aku x ska mau cek fb org...apa lg mau bca latest status updates...but yesterday, i was 'told' to check his fb...so i checked la...guess what i found in his timeline..earlier feb 2012, twice ah he puts married to _________...and just days before i called him, he changed from married to single...

his latest posts kn mainly about a guy and a cheating girl...1 postnya he mention yg llki n ppuan tu da bbek n da blik together n happy with a child...so i asked him why...dgn kerasnya lg sy tnya dia...

finally dia mgaku...mmg dia setia dgn ppuan tu slama ni...tp ppuan tu curang dgn dia...and i was like, wow, pndi ko tipu sy slama ni ya...and he said "sy mmg ska ko"...nsb bek sy cma agp dia kwn...

then sy msg la dia, "sburuk2 mn pun prangai ppuan tu, if ko mmg syg dgn dia dr dlu, ko patutnya cri jln utk bbek dgn dia...bkn p cri ppuan len utk mlupakn prob...if ko cri ppuan len e2 hanya tmbhkn prob..."

serius aku benci llaki mcm ni...mmg la ht sakit if gf/bf curang...tp jan la gunakan ppuan/llki len utk mlupakan the cheating gf/bf...some cases kn mmg la bkesan cra rebound ni...tp what if the cheating gf/bf wanna us back? ko tau ko mmg ska the cheating gf/bf n ko gna kn ppuan/llki bru, for sure yg bru ko lpaskn kn...e2 la reason why ppl x akn cri bf/gf bru in blink of an eye due to hope...hope that they will be together again...kta sure mharap mcm tu sbb kta tbesa dgn "let loose of someone that u love, if he/she comes back, then he/she is yours to keep"...unless if llki tu mmg ska dgn yg bru then tu len crita la knn...haha

tp yg ppuan ni pun 1...bfnya c A dia curang dgn c B dia break dgn c B dia blik dgn c A then dia curang lg dgn c C...omigod...aku serius benci jua dgn ppuan mcm ni...mcmn la llki akn ska ppuan if llki sndri pun tkt dgn possibility ppuan curang...last2 dpt llki yg curang dan bknnya llki bek...ppuan ni hrus rasa bruntung coz c A mc ska n setia dgn dia...tp org kata setia ni ada had limit...n if dorg ada baby, aku hope sgt2 yg dorg akn blik n setia n happy together for the sake of the baby...

n me? im 23, still young...n i dont wanna have any bf...coz i still wanna enjoy my commitment-free life...

btw, he just called me...he said pls dun get mad...so i just said, sy x mrh, sy cma x mau tmbh masalah...sekian....

warm enough for me to shower???

my nieces sometimes talked about love...how did you realized that you fall for him?? what is love?? etc..

honestly, i was eavesdropped their conversation...

but when it get steamy ops dreamy, i interrupt them...

haha...i am their younger, single but unavailable aunt...they asked me things related to love...

but since im not married yet, i just said "to know if he is the one for me, i have to test the 'water', if it is warm enough for me to shower..."

 and they were like "huh??????!!!!! water???? shower??? whats that mean??? naked???" with blur face...

hahahahaha...

and so i gave them a free lecture about my quote...

to make it easier i rephrase the quote to "to know if he is the one for me, i have to test the guy, if he is good enough for me to be with me..."

and so they did understand that the water refer to the guy...not the actual water we used to shower...

shower (to be together) is our aim...

temperature (warm, hot, or cold) is our test/criteria...

one of my niece asked me "why u use all these water, warm and shower things??? it is so complicated..."

well, my reason i gave them is "imagine, when you want to take a shower, and the water is too cold, your shower probably last for 5 mins, if the water is too hot, you probably dont want to take your shower, and if it is warm, you will feel relaxed and you will take your time in the bathroom ignoring others out there knocking...and so is you and your partner...you know if he is the one when you test him..."

to test the guy, we need a thermometer so that we can know his body temperature...hahaha no...

the guy should be able to accept us, ladies, as we are...the good and the bad...no exception...and that will be the test...some guy may want to change his partner...but do not change us...because we know that you guys dont want to be changed too...

others may say, " women are like roses, pretty but be careful with the thorns.."

if he can accept who we are then he is the one...

my niece ask me "love???"

and i said "you love him right...if he shows you how much he loves you, and can accept who you are, then give him the same...love him and accept who he is...dont change him too..."

then, she asked me again, "what's the other thorns???"

find it yourselves...its inside and its outside...you will know what the thorn is when the thorn is sharp enough to  hurt one or both of you and your partner...

whats ur opinion - may-december relationship...

may-december relationship refer to a relationship in which one partner is older than the other partner...

why may-december??? sorry im clueless...its just a term used to show huge age gap between the couple...

usually, this kind of relationship refer to a man being much older than his lover...but, it was then...now, there are some may-dec relationship where the woman is older than her lover..

does age really matter to you??

is your criteria for a girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband include the age?? not too young, not too old or same age??

may-dec pros include stability (for sure) and learning from one another...this relationship somewhat more stable because the older partner is more patient and forgiving (well, im not sure of this because there are man out there, i mean younger, who is patient and forgiving enough to his partner...) but maybe this relationship is more stable in terms of finance because the older partner (for sure) is financially successful...and since each partner is in a different stage of life (one partner is 40+ and the other is 20+), they can teach and inspire each other...

the cons, people, physical and family...people staring because a partner is older and the other partner is younger..they will think the younger (if a woman) is a gold digger...while physical, the younger is hitting his/her sexual prime while the older is far beyond it, do you believe it?? there is a saying somewhere on the internet "the physical is a big deal, if it isn't, why are you sleeping together at all??"...( but for me, when someone is in love, the love is unconditional...so they can accept their partner fully...for physical, there are ways to solve it...honestly i dont know how to solve it because im not into it yet...hehe)...for family, younger partner have to deal with his/her stepchildren while the older partner have to deal with the wife's/husband's family...the stepchildren may think that he/she want to replace their mom/dad while the family may treat the older partner as though he/she is having a mid-life crisis...

but, whatever the cons is, it is mainly about perception...how someone think about this kind of relationship...the positive will be great, the negative, hhhmmm will have to give them a chill pill so that they can chill, relax and more accepting hehe...

here's example of may-dec celebrity couples....

1 ---------> micheal douglas and catherine zeta jones (age difference = 25 yrs) still married

2 ---------> celine dion and rene angelil (age difference = 26 yrs) still married

3 ---------> ashton kutcher and demi moore (age difference = 15 yrs) still married

4 ---------> tom cruise and katie holmes (age difference = 16 yrs) still married

5 ---------> afen and you-know-who (age difference = +- yrs) =.=
(no pic...hehe)

i dare you to let me be your one and only.....

time: 3.15am...

date: 4th aug 2011...

mood: in love...

hehe...as i write this, im listening to adele's songs...and i wonder how many types of love i had been into...each of her songs remind me of love...my past love experience, my current love, and my future love...uuuu not to forget secret admire...well, i bet everyone have one...

"I wont let you close enough to hurt me, i wont ask you, you to just desert me, i cant give you what you think you gave me, its time to say goodbye to turning tables..." taken from Turning Tables...

---------> it reminds me of my ex-boyfriend...as the lyric says "I wont let you close enough to hurt me.." thus i left him...

"I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done, and wake up to your face against the morning sun, but like everything I've ever known, you disappear one day, so i spend my whole life hiding my heart away..." taken from Hiding My Heart Away...

---------> well, it reminds me of my secret admire...haha...very funny you know when you actually had a secret admire whom you think you like/love...but you didn't have the guts to say because you might think that he/she is not that into you...so you just hiding your heart away...keep pretending...keep stalking...this secret admire of mine, i keep it secret from him not because i don't have the guts needed but i pretty sure that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend so what's the point of me telling, right?? people use to say that "let your love go, if it comes back it is yours to keep"...and so i proudly let him go...not hoping for him to come back because there are plenty of guy out there for me to meet/like/love...lol...

"don't you remember? the reason you loved me before, baby, please remember me once more, when was the last time you thought of me? or have you completely erased me from your memory? i often think about where i would roam, more i do, the less i know" taken from Don't You Remember...

---------> hehe...the above lyric shows my entire feelings when i broke up with my boyfriend...he dumped me, actually...it happened years ago...and i kinda find it damn funny now...(i'm having a huge devilish laugh now....hahahaha)....well, it is normal for someone to feel that way...and it is normal for someone to finally find it funny...that's how i react when i broke up with him...asking myself why he did that as if he didn't remember the reason he loved me before...asking myself if he ever think of me...obviously, no...hehe

"However far away, I will always love you, however long I stay, I will always love you, whatever words I say, I will always love you, I will always love you" taken from Love Song..

---------> refer to someone new, someone latest, someone i call "him" and most important thing is someone i exchange "I love you" with...to that special someone (if you ever read this), i do afraid to the word 'always'...always seems permanent to me whereas there is nothing on earth that is permanent...and thus I'm afraid of losing you...

"I could make you happy, make your dreams come true, nothing that i wouldn't do, go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love" taken from Make You Feel My Love...

"You'll never know, if you never try, to forgive your past,and simply be mine, I dare you to let me be your one and only" taken form One and Only...

---------> those lyric will be for my future...if i ever find someone who is serious enough, I would dare him to let me be his one and only...hehe...and when the time comes, i would love to use the word 'always'...always make him feel my love, always love him...always...

a friend...a jealousy...a hate...

i have a 'cool' friend..who has a 'cool' attitude...n has a 'cool' mouth...

i assumed that she is one of my closest friend, who knows a lot about me...

so, i shared my love's story to her...

i dont usually shared my love's story to her...ever since we had this conversation last year...

her: afen, i want to tell u something...im happy...so i hope u r happy with me too...

me: u r my friend, so of coz i will be happy with u if u r happy...im so excited...so tell me...

her: well, my bf is a pure Singaporean...

me: really??? woow....congratulations my friend...im so happy with u...so tell me more...

her: hehe thanks afen...i knew u will be happy...even if ur future bf is sabahan...

me: huh?? what do u mean even if my future bf is sabahan??

her: well, u know me right...i dont want to have a bf/fiance/husband from sabah....its ssooo euw...i want someone different...but it suits u tho...not me...

me: hehe i wont mind at all if my future bf/fiance/husband comes from sabah...as long as we're in love then we're ok...

her: hehe thats why it suits u...but not me...

we talked about her current relationship for about an hour...the way she talks, really annoys me...i cant accept when she said that sabahan guy is so euw, she dont want any of them...but dont she remember that her father and brother are pure sabahan too?? well, she's been in singapore since 2009 (i guess) and she'd already changed...she forgot where she comes from...if she is living farther than that, then i guess she will be forgetting malaysia as well...but she is my friend so whatever she is, i can still accept her...

then, we chat on monday...for catching up...we r soo damn happy at first...she is still with the singaporean guy..they r so madly deeply in love...

then, she asked me if i have a bf or not...at first i dont want to tell her...so i denied...but she keeps on asking...n telling me how beautiful love is...then, i told her about my gra geal mo chroi...and here is her reaction...

her: omg....i cant believe it...from scotland??

me: yeah...from scotland...

her: what??? do u want to be an english whore now???

me: english whore???!!!! watch what you're typing my friend...
her: hey, i mean it...u r an english whore now...

me: stop joking ok...

her: afen, im not joking here...u r a slut...

me: dont be such a shit...i am not an english whore n i am not a slut...what makes u think that??

her: what else a malaysian woman wants from an english guy??? his money...

me: i had never asked money from him before...

her: dont be ridiculous afen...i know u...u will never suits him...only sabahan guy will...u just want his money...n u just want to relocate to scotland...euw...i dont wanna have a friend like u...english whore...

then she sign off...

30 mins later, im still blur...im not sure what had happened to her...im so pissed when she called me an english whore...

is it my fault that i fall in love with an english guy??

am i an english whore?? 

i told my gra geal mo chroi...and this is his reaction...

my gra geal mo chroi: ur friend has never spoke or met me before...and now she judges me...judges u...judges us...loving u is more important than sex and money...im sorry for my next words, but your friend has a mouth fully loaded with shit...she's jealous with u...

me: but she is my friend...

my gra geal mo chroi: i know...now she reveals her true self...and that true self of hers will be hers forever...she will never changed...

me: i know she is bitchy sometimes, but i still accept her bcoz she is my friend...

my gra geal mo chroi: r u a slow learner??

well...im not a slow learner...but i do believe in second chance...but, i did gave her many chances before...but calling me an english whore?? thats unacceptable n unforgivable...

# to my dear friend, u should accept who am i with...just bcoz u have a singaporean lover doesnt mean u r on top of others n u can say negative things to ur friends...i dont have any intention to beat u in terms of who has a non-sabahan bf...when love comes, even hell can meet heaven and so is scotland n sabah...btw, dont forget where u come from coz u have ur family there knowing u, waiting u, missing u n loving u...u have to throw away your euw attitude...i may be ur friend in mere future...but i wont be the same...thanks to u...cheers...

top 5 important three-words...

These three-words (for me) are the most important words everyone should be able to say...and not to forget, really, really, really, really mean it...

1) i love you...

obviously, everyone can say it...but truly mean it?? depends on u...i love u mom, i love u dad, i love u bro, i love u sis, i love u friend, i love u honey, i love u hubby, i love u wifey...etc...when someone telling you that he/she loves you, you will automatically feels appreciated, wanted and not to forget loved...if that's what you may feel, then start saying i love you to people that you love...they may feel the same as you...

* to my gra geal mo chroi, get well soon n i love u...

lelove

2) i miss you...

what will you feel when your special someone texting you calling you and say "i miss you"?? 

when my gra geal mo chroi spent three weeks in spain for his business without calling me, texting me...once he got back to scotland, he called me and without saying hello, he said "i miss you..."...i was so damn in love with him...i cant explained my feeling...i miss him damn much...

so, it doesn't matter if it is 3 weeks or 5 mins, as long as u feel that u miss someone, then tell him/her how much u miss them...trust me, that person will be speechless....

lelove

3) im so sorry...

people say that someone need humiliation before being able to say that they are sorry...we are human...and obviously, nobody's perfect...we made mistakes or failures...so we have to admit it...

back in May, i had spent 2 weeks of hell in n.z with my sis n her friend...that friend was so damn annoying...why?? because she made millions of mistakes but she didnt admit that she was wrong...when i asked her why she didnt admit on the first place, she yelled back at me...as if im wrong...whatever...
so, if you are wrong just say 'im so sorry'...it changes everything...

google

4) i thank you..
wishing 'i thank you' shows your gratitude...it shows your appreciation...isnt it good when someone you helped wishing you thank you? you will feel appreciated...so dont let others say thank you to you but you didnt wanna say thank you to those who help you...

google

5) God bless you...
God bless you...my favourite...should i say more?? im sure u know what this words make u feel...

google

# the words are randomly pick and randomly rank...cheers :)

betul ka aku??

September 19 birthday interpretation...

- has a willingness...

- prepared to take risks in life...

- successful in any business especially if it's connects with travel and the travel industry...

- calm self-reliance...

- unlikely to bow down and lose way under undue pressure...

- endowed with inherent understanding and appreciation even the most complex problems/situation can be overcome, when given the time and dealt in the most appropriate manner...

- confident in your own ability to be able to deal with any matter/challenge that you may encounter in life...

- have a fascinating charm that intrigues people (able to smooth away the rough edges in order to arrive at uncluttered solutions)...

- able to ironing our problems, tidying things up, streamlining, and refining all forms of matters/undertakings...

- will face numerous occasions throughout your life, where you will have to make a choice between that occasions with your personal relationship...

- will experience a number of tumultuous relationship...

- have strong appreciation for education and not only for the retention of knowledge, but also that of adding thereto your own thoughts, insights and opinions...

- have strong interest in things that are beautiful to the eye...

- critical minds...

- perfectionist...

- difficult to satisfy...

can i trust this???

no no no that is a wrong question...

the right question is...

is this me???

have willingness n prepare to take risk - i am...

i have taken a lot of risks in my life...

including escape exam...who dares to escape exam??? i do...

i did it for the sake of nz...

business in travel - not sure...

calm self-reliance - ME is the biggest motivator, so i guess...yeah...

the next 3 - im not sure...

fascinating charm - hehe, i really like it (if any..)

ironing up problem etc - maybe yes maybe not...but who on earth cant ironing their own prob, right??

1st red - omg...how am i gonna handle this when it comes??

well, kinda face it now...

family vs my lover...is this in???

obviously...i cant choose....now...

maybe later...hehe

2nd red - haish...no wonder i experienced bad relationships...

september 19...is it really u the reason why it all happened??

strong appreciation, interest - hehe who doesnt???

i appreciate education...

n i do interest in beautiful things...

hehe...

critical minds - omg...no wonder, i always have ifs and buts inside my mind...

perfectionist - nobody's perfect, so i guess no...

difficult to satisfy - still, nobody's perfect, so i guess no...

if i say yes, then i'll also a perfectionist, in which im not...

but if i do, then let it be my dirty lil secret...hehe

# ffffuuuuuhhhh.........it is hard to be me.....but up until now, im fine with me...totally fine...eventho i have ups and downs (thanks to september 19), i have ME (my motivator)...n surely i will be okay for the rest of my life...my love, accept who i am, k...:)

nak tanya blh??

i just wanna ask,

if korg kena suru pilih atr:

a) orang yg suka kmu, tp kmu x brapa suka @ blm suka sgt

b) orang yg kmu suka, tp x brapa suka kmu @ blm suka kmu sgt

mn kmu pilih??

hehe aku tau punya ada yg akn jwb 'hhmmm cri org len la'...

tp aku nemau jwpn 2...

plh atr a @ b ja...

bagi aku kan, aku pilih a kot...

biar la org ckp "ko tipu diri ko sendri.."

tp positifnya someday aku akn suka dia kn...

org selalu ckp

'cinta yg agung (cewah) adalah bila kmu lgsg nada expect apa2.."

eya meh??

if btul mcm 2 tpaksa la pilih b kn...

coz cinta agung kn nada expect pa2 dr tu org...

so jan expect dia akn suka kita blik...

aduina sadisnya...

nemau aku mcm 2...

if aku pilih b pun aku akn ttp expect dia akn suka sy blik (knn...)

tp kdg2 manusia ni ada yg risk-taker ada yg x...

terpulang dgn individu...

so pilihan n reason kmu apa pla???

so a or b???

a week...

a week without God:
mourn-day...tears-day...waste-day...thirst-day...fight-day...shatter-day...sin-day...

there is no oil, if olives are not squeezed...
no wine, if grapes are not pressed...
no perfume, if flowers are not crushed...

whatever your day is, make sure it is a God's day...
God's plan for us is to bring out the very best in us...

have faith...cheers....

Gra Geal Mo Chroi....

gra geal mo chroi (irish) means love of my heart...

cewah...jiwang la pula kn...

well, if my mom c this, she will be pissed...

why??

she actually dislike my gra geal mo chroi...

her reasons:

a) he lives in scotland...

b) he is pure english...

c) not malaysian...

d) a contractor without higher education...

im not sure what to do next...

so, i just told my mom he is only my friend...

eventho he is more than that...

guys...

Im fat…im not pretty…n worse of all I wear a spec…

I do love reading…heavy reading I guess…I have Emily Bronte’s n Shakespeare’s books… John Gray’s, 

Love Letters of Famous Men n Women…etc…n I do love magazines (who doesn’t, right…) – Cleo is my most fav mag…

What else…hhhmmmm….

Kinda slow in action…but honestly, it wasn’t slow but I was thinking…

Totally a simple girl…

Im not wearing any make-up except my cherry lip balm…

Before I hate wearing jeans…

But 2 yrs ago…

I started to wear lens…from purple to green…from green to grey…n finally I love the hazel…

I straightened my hair daily before going to lectures…

I now wear jeans n jeggings…

I put some make-up on…n I really love thick black eyeliner…but still I wear my cherry lip balm…n no lipstick…

My style still the same – v-neck or deep v-neck…purple, black, red…n yet girlish…n I lurve wedges…

People starts noticing me…haha obviously not bcoz im pretty but they noticed the new me without my purple spec…they say that is the original me…ok…

Then…

I met 3 incredible guys…

Different stories, different situation, different time…

Guy #1…

(Obviously, name is confidential…)

I knew him through a friend of mine…

He texted me…wanna be my friend…he called me…then we went out for lunch…

I wore the usual me…usual me is me with spec…

Then I went back to my hostel…

A week later, received no news bout him…

I changed my fb profile photo…me without spec n a lil bit of makeup…

He called…he said “wow u r soo different…”…then we went out for another lunch date…

This time I wear my lens…

He admit that he has a long-distance-relationship gf…

But he was way too 18sx for me…

Then we lost contact…

Guy #2

I also knew him through a friend of mine…

But with him, im totally the new me…

We went out to a bar with a few friends of ours…I will not going to any bar alone with a guy…

At first, we usually text or call…then when we’re busy, we’re forgetting each other…

1 day, he asked me out to a bar…but I feel really not going…

N he said he really wanted to go out somewhere that nite coz he had a fight with his gf…

Then I said “sorry, bring ur gf la…im not in the ‘bar’ mode…”

Then we lost contact again…

Same things happened twice…n I still don’t wanna go out with someone else’s bf…

Last month, he called me asking me to go out with him…but I refused to go…

He said he broke up with his gf…n he wished that if we went out together that time, we will be steady…

And still “Sorry, im truly busy this month…”

Guy #3

Again, I knew this guy through my best friend…

He called me early in d morning…but im still under my duvet…

He keeps on calling…n finally I answered…

We talked for hours, I guess…

U know what I knew about him???

Surprised…surprised…surprised…

He had an affair while he was engaged to a girl, the ‘affair’ pregnant, they get married, and they have a son…the mom left the husband n the baby, n they still married…

I like the way he tells me the truth before we went out together…

Hehe…we went out for lunch…not a date…he’s nice…but not my type…

# my best friend said that im still young to feel the real love, and as a teenagers we have a long way to go to find our soulmate…I do agree that im young, im a teen, n im not yet feel the real love…I am turning 23 this sept…those 3 guys taught me to be matured…matured enough to know types of man that I may not supposed to fall into...

# d first guy…he has a gf – separated by distance…eventhough his gf will not know… but should I or should I not be with him??? Obviously I should not..im not a player n I respect female…besides, he is more attracted to beautiful woman…the more gorgeous u r the more open his eyes will be…hehe…but I want someone who can accept the ugly me n not just the nicer me…

#d 2^nd guy…he’s nice, actually…but a rebound guy??? No-no…he will using me to forget his gf…but once his gf wants him back, what will happen to me??? another heartbroken girl??? Aiya tak nak la…

# d 3^rd guy…he’s ok…he’s married…he said he don’t love his wife…but married guy with a nearly broken family??? I don’t think so…if im the guy, I would totally improve my relationship with my wife to make it works for the sake of my kid n not focusing on finding someone to be my 2^nd wife…

# who said 22 is not matured enough??? If im not matured then I might fall for the 3^rd guy since he has his own business n my future will be more secure than the other guys…

# if I love someone bcoz of what they can give me, that’s not love…that is selfishness…

# hehe now im single for months now…I’ll rock my single-hood with my own party rock anthem where everyone is shuffling…hehe

Father…my memories…

I was born on September 19, 1988…at General Hosp, Tawau…

Thanks to my dad – coz u created me…

Thanks to my mom – coz u delivered me to this Anthony’s family whom I really love…

Since yesterday was Father’s day, this is my story about my dad…

Im not sure what’s my first memory with my father is…

Coz it all mixed up inside my memory box…

#1 But I do pick this particular memory...

It happened when I was 5@6 yrs old…

I was in kindergarten…n was supposed to go to school…

Back then, we lived in a police barrack…block b level 2 (I guess…)

I woke up early, get dressed, went to ground floor, and met my friend…

We sat while waiting for our bus…

I remembered that I brought zinger burger…

N since the school’s policy is strictly no outside food, my friend n I ate the burger while waiting for the bus…

We really really enjoyed our time as if we’re on weekend…

So we missed the bus…

I don’t know what to do…n I was soo damn scared…

I went back home…n I was yelled by my father…

N I ran.away.

5@6 yrs old girl, who’s not yet a teenager, escaped school, n ran away from home…

Sigh…is that me??? huh??? Cant believe but I have to…

Ever since this happened, I never escaped any class when my father’s around…

But when I was in matriculation n in uni, I did escaped actually…

N for this, dad im sorry…

#2 2^nd memory is math…

Since I was in primary 1, my father did daily check on my math’s textbook and exercise book…

If I did any calculation wrong, then I have to prepare my ear to listen to him saying “u should….u should….u should…u should….”

Im not scared of my math’s teacher…but I did afraid of my unofficial math’s teacher at home – my dad…

I had to do all calculations correctly in a daily basis…

When I finished, I had to give it to him…n let him checked…if im 100% correct or not…

U know what its biggest influence on me???

I only studied math…math…n math…

My math’s result???

A for afen…

If it’s B, hhhuuu im ssssoooo dead….

Even in my major exams, I only studied math…

Other subject???

I did study but 80% lesser than math…but I still passed it all…

For this dad, thank u...

# eventho u yelled at me and be the scariest teacher on earth, u (n mom) r everything to me…

love story part 5...finale...

He chose me - twice….

I gave him another chance – twice…

N again, he cheated on me – countless…

N again, I gave him another chance…another chance…other chances…

I always remind myself that I still love him no matter what his mistakes are....

If u think im patient, yes 75% of our time…but the rest??? Im sorry…

Im sure u knows how much it hurts when u’ve been cheated countless times and yet u still love him…

Why???

I always wondered why I did that???

But lastly I came up with my own conclusion…

“I did that bcoz I believe that the negative actions and bad decisions he made, were just the minor him…but the major him is angel…I love him…n I can accept both his major and his minor…n im hoping that he will change for good…”

Yeah…sigh….

13 months after his graduation…after countless lies came up…after countless chances I gave him…after millions of “I Love U” wishes we exchanged…n after tons of gallons of tears…

I called it QUIT…

Why???

I can’t handle it anymore…im tired of being the superwoman saving our relationship while he keeps on lying…

Real love doesn’t hurt at all…love has its own languages but pain, hurt aren’t one of them…

If only he changed, maybe im still with him…but nobody wants to be changed…except his / her free will…

He texted me, he said to me, that he will changed for good, changed for me…laugh is all I can do…he lost 

my trust…n trust should be gained not given…but he blew all of his chances…

Ever since we broke up, I sometimes think that his next gf would be sooo damn lucky bcoz he’s already changed…n im just his experiment...hehe it’s good right…at least the experiment succeed…

If love = pain, I would not dare to fall in love again…

Consider to fall in love? – Maybe…

Letting go? – Yes…

People sometimes refer those who heartbroken as “people who close their heart’s door, locked it up, n threw away the key…so that someone will find the key n open the door for them someday…”

But for me, my heart is in ‘welcome in’ policy…n never being locked…

Why??? lock-and-find-key policy is sssoooo eeeeuuuwww n ssssooooo yester-century….

But…………………in my ‘welcome in’ policy, any man can enter, b friendly to me, but when it comes to love, he must pass the test below…

•           He must be able to accept the ugly side of me (nobody’s perfect mah…)

N after that….i might be falling in love again….maybe…eeeee tak nak….hehe…no la…I will…someday…

#Love is a friendship on fire…every couple should be able to balance friendship and romance and thus their relationship will last..my x n I still friends…we sometimes texted each other…but we r not on fire…we’re just on friendship…love supposed to end well…but mostly love ends with matrimony…but this particular love of mine is also ended up well eventhough not in a matrimony but in friendship…cheers…

 # for those who read my post from part 1 till part 5, thank u so much…J….next week another episodes bout me coming up…

love story part 4...

7 months later, on his graduation day….

He fetched me up at my hostel….n he brought his mom…

I met his mom for the first time…kinda shy at first…

He was sitting in front with his other course mates waiting for their name to be called…

While me and his mom, chatting, get to know each other… N we became closer…

I texted him asking him when will his turn, where’s the toilet, remind him to be calm, remind him to take some photos while he seated, etc…

He replied all…at first he took time to reply my sms…I asked him “r u bz?”….n he replied “nope, but my credit almost finished…”

Then, I stop testing him…

When the ceremony ended, we had lunch together…

We talked, we laughed….we had a great time together…

Really, really, really great time…

10 mins later….we were at the gas station…he was outside pumping…

Sms came in to his phone…im not a phone-checker…I trust him…so be a phone-checker-gf is a no-no for me…

But, his phone is nokia…n it is still in its inbox…it was bright…n I can c from ****, her msg was “luv u 2”…

Inside me, I was like @#$!%$@%%^&^&!^&*&@*&*@&*!*@*!&@*!^#&%#&…

I was sooo damn pissed….but I have to be triple extra patient...coz his mom was sat at the backseat…

He entered the car…i gave his phone back with the lite-on screen in front of his face…

He read the words…he took his phone…not saying a word…he drove…

I wanna cry…but still I can’t…

On the way back, im totally mute…

His mom asked me “why r u so silent?”…I just sat there silently…while my bf said “she misses me…”

Sigh…

I was being cheated for 8 months…

I was being the 2^nd gf…

I was being called bf-snatcher since secondary…

Am I still a bf-snatcher???

I don’t think so, coz he’s the one who cheating on us…

Hours later…I asked him to give me the other girl’s phone number…

N days later, he finally gave me, after I convinced him that I will not hurt her…

I am a girl…I will not hurting another girl…bcoz for me, hurting another girl is as equal as hurting myself…so I won’t let myself hurt…

Thus, I text the girl, asking for her permission to call…

She said yes…n I called…

We were on the phone for almost an hour…

We knew the truth…

It hurts so bad…so damn bad…

She said she wanna let him go for me…n I said “don’t be la…im the bf-snatcher here…so u stay…”

N she replied “i will let him go for u…u r a bf-snatcher…plz don’t do like this again…u never know that one 

day your husband will be like him…”

I can accept if it’s my bf…but my husband??? I don’t think I can…

I start n end the conversation without hurting anyone…I even apologized to the other girl…it wasn’t my intention to take her bf away…

I let my bf decide again…I let him talked to the other girl…im not pushing him to choose me…

I did say to him that if he chooses me, I will not be like afen-ur-gf before…I lost my trust to him…he was totally losing it…

But 1 thing that isn’t lost is - I still love him…which I didn’t told him that time…

N once again – he chose me…

# the truth is out there n yet to be found…n once again our relationship is being tested…c u all on part 5…

# when ur relationship being tested like this, do stay calm…I know that it’s hurt…but always stay calm…u never know what ur calm can do to you…people always says “peace no war…”…so if u wanna confront the other girl, pls do it peacefully…it is easier for u two to talk…besides, u do this for your love…not for yourself…bcoz love consists of two person, not you alone…if u r called a bf-snatcher, don’t give a damn about that…don’t get mad…just admit…n if u r wrong, just say sorry…

love story part 3...

I know what I want…I wanted to be with him…n so I fight…

I let him choose between me n the other girl…

I let him talked to the other girl…

I don’t wanna lose him…

N most important is – I don’t want my relationship to be blossom from someone else’s happiness…

Since I wanted to be with him – do I have a choice??

I talked to him n asked him what do he want??...

I am sure that the other girl also fights for her love…but it’s nothing compare to what he might decide…

So im not thinking more on the other girl…bcoz I let him to choose…

Hours later…

I am really, really, really sorry to the other girl…

Coz he chose me…

U knows how happy I am when he finally chose me??? It feels just like heaven…

But 7 months later…I can’t dry up my tears…

# What comes next??? I’ll continue it on my next post…

# when u love someone, all u can think of is he/she, right??...when u sleep u’ll think of him/her…when u wakes up, u’ll think of him/her…u went to class with him/her…u went to cinema with him/her…u wanna eat with him…all u do is to be with him/her 24/7…when there is an obstacle, u’ll automatically find a solution and fight…u let ur love decide...if u face with this kind of situation, then don’t confront the other girl…why?? bcoz it shows ur weakness n u let yourself lose while the other girl wins…all u have to do is stay calm and don’t give too much pressure on ur man while he’s doing his work – his decision making part is more important than to know who is the other girl…so do remember y’all, stay calm, don’t be pushy n respect your other half…

source: lelove

love story part 2....

Our first month anniversary…he gave me a present...

He told me that he has another girlfriend…a 1.5 yrs old relationship…

A very unthinkable n yet a nice present, right???...

I asked him “why u didn’t tell me on the first place??? I would not be with you if u tells me about this earlier….”

And he said “I love you…I don’t wanna lose you…

I replied “u love me…u don’t wanna lose me…u love her…n u also don’t wanna lose her, right??”

And he simply said “yes…”

At that time, im not sure what im gonna do…I feel like crying but have no tears…

I regretted the moment I said I will be his friend…coz he’s not a friend I wish I have…

I regretted the moment we arrange the first meeting…coz it makes me hates the place…

I regretted the moment I said I like him…coz it’s so damn embarrassed…

I regretted the moment I texted or said I love him…coz he don’t deserve that…

But…I am not and will not regret the time I spent with him…

Bcoz I like the way I feel whenever im with him…

So what did I do next???

I fight….I fight for my love….I fight for me…and I fight for us…

This is so damn hard for me to handle…but I have to…he’s my boyfriend n I love him…

N I wondered if I ever succeed….

# To be continued…

# When u encounter with this kind of situation in your relationship, u have to ask yourself…what do you want???...what do you want???...what do you want???...if u want to be with him, then u have to fight…fight until u have him…fight until u succeed…if u want to be with him but u didn’t have the guts to fight, then u have to question yourself if u love him or not???...

love story part 1....

Let me tell u a secret about me…..

Less than two years ago, a man texted me….”will u b my friend?”….n I replied “yeah, sure, no prob…”…

He texted me…I texted him back…he called me…I called him back…one day, we arranged a meeting….n we met…

He’s handsome…a murut + Chinese guy…taller than me…n also a student…

Then, 1 day, I told him that I like him… (n I forgot what else did I said to him that night…huhu)…

Im not really a type of girl who will be the first to say “I like you” to a man…but I did…bcoz i like him…at first I was shy…I was afraid that he might not have the same feeling with mine…n I was way too scared of rejection…

He took a few minutes to give me his response…

I thought that his silence means denial…

But then, he said he likes me too…

N from that day onwards…we r officially a couple…

# for those who’s still aching by liking someone and not doing anything about it…go tell them, forget your fear, n go fall in love…u have to push yourself…worst thing can happen when u tell but an amazing thing will also happen when you tell…if he or she doesn’t feel the same way then don’t be worry…at least u feel damn awesome about telling he or she how special they are to you…n it will be amazing if everything goes well…n one thing to remember though, everybody hurts someday, the feeling by the thought of losing he or she is as awful as not having he or she at all…so, go tell them!!!!! Im crossing my fingers for you…

# my story n advice will be continue on my coming post….so see y’all later….